And then lighting it on fire. From midnight until two, I tried everything my wife and I could think of stop what to this point in my life, is the single worst acid reflux I’ve ever had. If I hadn’t felt the bile cough up my throat and burn my tongue, I would have gone to the hospital, thinking I was having the big one.

What ultimately worked is the thing I should have thought of right off the bat. Fuck Tums, Gaviscon, Pepto and the rest of it. It’s the age old secret to eating spicy foods – milk.

I don’t drink a lot of milk; maybe I should start making it part of my regular routine again. Good milk. Fresh milk. Pasture-raised, grass-fed. None of that horrible factory farmed bullshit; that should be illegal.

Hallelujah, for the almighty cow.

Target: 1300 words
Written: 667 words, novel: Father Lightning