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I’m so angry right now, I don’t know what to do. Every goddamned weekend is the same. Relentless, non-stop demands on my time from my fucking godawful workplace that refuses to get me any goddamn help.

I’m suffering from crippling depression, such extreme levels of stress that right now, at this very second, it’s all I can do not to scream. I’m so pissed off that opening my mouth for any reason feels like it will result in an manic, anguished howl. So I’m not saying anything, but that feels like a storm tearing apart my insides.

My own personal tornado, rippling my guts to shreds.

And there’s no help coming. Despite the apparently “tight” and “worker friendly” job market, I can’t even get a call. I see people switching jobs to better ones all around me, but me? Nothing. Not even a phone call. How is that possible, with my resume?

Can they sense my hatred of IT coming off the page? I FUCKING DESPISE IT.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t quit. I have bills to pay. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing, because I’ll jump into traffic. I’m not getting any help at all from the higher ups. Their eyes just glaze over and they immediately change the subject any time I mention how much I don’t want to do this job. They’re ignoring my anguish, because it’s mildly inconvenient.

Christ. Sunday goddamned morning and I’m so stressed out and frustrated, I think I’m going to have a coronary. Sunday fucking morning. I shouldn’t be thinking about work at all, but IT NEVER GOES AWAY.

I hate it so much, but the world doesn’t offer options to guys like me. People who feel into a field when they were fucking children, before they knew shit about shit, and now, twenty years on, burdened with debt and mortgage – there are no options. No way out. No way to go back to school. No way to change fields. What you chose when you were a goddamn child is what you are forever?

I refuse. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse.

Where are the options in this supposed land of opportunity? This system of capitalism, where only one’s gumption is required? I work my fucking ass off, and it’s quite literally going to kill me. Do I quit and lose my house? Does my family get no place to live, because god knows at these prices, we could never afford another one, or even a fucking rental? Do I die by accident, and hope the insurance money lets my wife and daughter get by? What the fuck are my options? Scream, have a heart attack, lose everything? Nothing in between?

The system failed me. It has failed us all, that anyone could get fucked like this.

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