let’s do it

You know, as much as I disparage influencers as a vocation, it’s hard not to watch some of them being overtly sexual and think, man, I wonder what it’s like to live with no shame at all?

Like not in a bad way, but just in a fully away, I’m selling my body for money, and I’m fine with that because, it’s online so no one actually has to touch me, and I make a mint from it. In this economy, get yours, right?

I know I’m too much of an introvert for that (but a year in Finland taught me not to strip away the stigma of nudity – hard to worry about it when every party or function you go to, you end up naked in a sauna with half-a-dozen other people of varied ages, some of whom might be your best friends or the girl you’re super interested in, or a bunch of old geezers you just met).

Still, if I were young and attractive, why not? Especially as a woman. Own your shit, be comfortable in your skin, exploit those who think faces and bodies on the internet belong to them. They might get to ogle you from afar, but you’re the one with the Lambo and the regular trips to cool places, all over the world.

I mean, I’d like something a bit less obviously transactional, but the shame-free part? That’s all right.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1316 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
Comics: Fathom: Dawn Of War - Beginnings 1, Fathom 0.5, Michael Turner's Aspen 1-2
Music: Electric Larryland, Butthole Surfers (terrible live, by the way, at least when they came to Sheridan they were)

mother’s day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommies out there. My mom, also my wife, my sister-in-law, my daughter-in-law, fur baby mothers, Mazy and Sofi, also mothers in their own right, though their babies were long adopted before they got to us.

Anyone else know a mother in your extended circle of friends and family that tries to parse the Mother’s Day logic to eliminate as many other mothers as possible, so that they can feel justified in insisting that they are the only mother worth celebrating (except for the ones they don’t have to spend any time with or do anything for, so those ones are okay to be mothers of any kind – foster, step, adoptive, etc., because they aren’t interfering in the immediate Mother’s Day festivities)?

Yeah, me too. It’s weird, right?

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1246 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Gilded Age: A Tale Of Today (and hopefully, that's it), Twain and friend
Comics: Fathom Crossover Tour Book, Fathom 12, Fathom: Killian's Tide 1-2
Music: Election, Spacehog

parking lot

So there’s this parking lot, never more than half-full, that most of the workers in my building park in. Technically, I think we’re not supposed to, but come on. It’s attached to a mall that is barely hanging on. Indeed, the owners of said mall are trying desperately to push a plan through council to move the library and city hall there, so they can divest themselves of what I presume is a monstrous money sink that no one goes to, because it has nothing left in it.

Hence, the mostly empty parking lot. So, we at our office park there, instead of paying ridiculous prices for municipal parking or the monthly fee for the parking at our own building (for which there is a waiting list, and for me, with a big van and roof rack, essentially have no access to, because it’s a parking garage I can’t fit into). The parking lot at the mall is dilapidated, filled with potholes, and because it’s closer to our work, we park at the far end of it, so you know, taking up the least valuable spots in the lot.

Still, I gather the mall people don’t want us there, but because we’re not hampering customers, it doesn’t seem to be much of a priority.

Until Karen.

I pull in, from the back way, because it’s direct between my house and it (it doesn’t make sense to go around), and park. I notice on the way in that there’s a purple car circling the lot. It’s weird, and I know something’s up, but I’m not sure what, yet.

So, I get out of the car, grab my lunch, laptop bag and coffee. Before I can get two feet, this car wheels up, window down and the haggard, raw cheeked face of a woman who clearly has too much money and time on her hands rips up. She starts demanding if I work where I do, if I know this is a private lot, blah blah blah.

She points at the signs at the entrance, stating this is a private lot – signs at the main entrance, not the entrance I come through. I point that out, and she says, doesn’t matter, they’re still there. She does not like my question, asking her if she checks every entrance/exit from every building she goes into, just in case there’s signage telling her if a place is private or not. It’s a bit facetious on my part, but like, I get it. We aren’t supposed to be parking there. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal because again, the parking lot is never more than half-full, and no one has ever been denied a spot because of the low number of vehicles from us currently parking there.

Apparently, she disagrees, because it’s clear this has been a bug in her bonnet for some time, and leaves me with the impression that she probably doesn’t actually own the place, but her husband does (let’s just say the car isn’t super impressive, but her outfit and Guess purse clearly are intended to send the signal that she’s a richie rich. That may not be true, but it’s just the impression I get – that she actually has no authority at all, except maybe tangentially, and her husband (or whoever), got sick of hearing her bitch about the public servants causing no one any harm parking in her husband’s lot, and so, he told her to go do something about it, but wouldn’t sanction any official actions, and she knew the city wouldn’t get involved and she can’t start towing people, so yeah.

Here we are. Angry, rich, white woman, probably pushed over the edge because Poilievre lost and she can’t feel free spew her anger and hatred over the world from a position of power and entitlement, yelling at, again, public servants, for doing something that yes, is technically not allowed, from a strict legal sense, but is really a grey area at best from a logical, ethical stance.

Listen, I don’t know her deal. Maybe she works for the mall and thought this was a better option than towing cars she wasn’t entirely certain belonged to public servants. Maybe she owns the mall (I thought it was a local businessman by the name of Dan, but I don’t really know). Maybe she’s just having a really bad day. Maybe us parking there is causing some kind of extra expense we’re not aware of (but given the poorly maintained level of the parking lot, I strongly suspect not).

Listen, except the cheap shot of noting the signs indicating private property weren’t posted at the secondary entrance, I was nice about it. She was the angry face yelling at a random stranger from the window of her car. I try not to be confrontational; I don’t feel it’s particularly conducive most of the time.

But you know what? Fuck it.

There’s so many people who just can’t be bothered to even pretend to be nice to people, despite having, at best, the flimsiest of pretexts for being an asshole.

I’m done with it.

In retrospect, I wish I’d filmed it, so I could post it on the local rant & rave and see if it went viral and thoroughly embarrassed her, although from experience, I tend to see these people double down, rather than learn anything.

But yeah. Getting yelled at by a random stranger over something that yes, technically, I’ve done wrong, but in reality, is so utterly petty and pointless?

It’s official. I’m done being nice to people being so clearly shitty.

I won’t be a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, but I’m not ignoring it or explaining it away. We can understand where the other people is coming from while not sanctioning it or allowing it to continue. I will no longer tolerate shitty behaviour directed toward me and mine by people who are old enough to know better.

Game. Fucking. On.

Pricks.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1275 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Veniss Underground, Jeff Vandermeer
Comics: Hawk And Dove 24-26, Hawk And Dove Annual 2 (ah, dreaded Armageddon, which killed one of my favourite titles when I was young, by virtue of DC panic over a leaked ending that would have made a lot more sense, and instead required them to pivot incoherently to using Hawk as the villain, ending this series in its infancy)
Music: Ecstasy, Lou Reed

rocky horror

I know, I know. Parking lot story.

Thoughts about my brain stuff.

F U Rat Ass Town.

It’s all coming, when I get time.

But tonight, it’s Rocky Horror, and well, since I’m still very much in lust with young Susan Sarandon, I had to go, and hope that the woman playing her is her equal (not to mention Magenta).

Columbia was never my jam.

(And of course, Tim Curry is everyone’s jam).

Target: 1200 words
Written: 919 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Veniss Underground, Jeff Vandermeer (body horror isn't ever really my thing, but body horror sci-fi that channels Lovecraft?  Pretty good.)
Comics: Hawk And Dove 20-23
Music: Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace, Foo Fighters (why is every album so good?  A deal with Satan, for certain)

gossip girl

What a weird show. My daughter and wife are working their way through it, and man, it’s just terrible.

It’s Days Of Our Lives with a higher budget, that’s all. I can only imagine the body image issues those poor actresses all had to deal with to be on the show.

None of them seem all that well-adjusted in real life.

Michelle Trachtenberg’s dead. Taylor Momsen seems a proper mess, and the less said about Blake Lively at this point, the better, am I right?

I don’t know what happened between her and that dude from that movie, but it seems pretty clear that it’s a hell of lot more nuanced than her side would have had you believe, slotting itself into a generic #MeToo dynamic and assuming lawyers and publicists would grant her an easy win.

To me, as a woman, I’d be just as pissed at someone exploiting the #MeToo movement for their own personal gain. When it’s high profile like that and it turns out that the person is at best exaggerating, it hurts the credibility of every other victim out there. Look at the whole Jian Ghomeshi thing. If they’d done it properly, instead of trying to litigate through the media, dude would actually have been found guilty.

Anyway, rant over.

Sorry I’m probably wrong.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1068 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe
Comics: Hawk And Dove 2-5
Music: Easter, Patti Smith Group (certain people I feel in my soul; Lou Reed and Patti Smith are pretty close to the top of that list)

amsterdisney

I went in the mid-nineties and the Red Light District was pretty wild. During the day, it was wild, but at night, damn. The girl I went with (fellow exchange student, not girlfriend or prostitute) and I were fascinated.

Now, there’s parents running around with kids. I went to Sexmuseum and came out ill last time because you know, the shit that was in there went want beyond anything I would ever even consider (think beastiality and worse). Now, I watched a mother pose with a bearded drag queen outside, then take what had to have been her eight and ten year old in.

What happened?

We have Disney prostitutes, instead of Disney princesses. (Of course, it’s a hundred percent certain you’ll find an Ariel and a Jasmine in one of those windows. Don’t ask me how much; I’m all for sex workers not being stigmatized, but paying for sex is not my jam.)

Anyway, saw a Van Gogh and the Night Watch.

I guess culture comes in all forms.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 111 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Melusine, Sarah Monette
Comics: Hit-Girl 1-4
Music: It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back, Public Enemy (so good)

pub crawl

Man, I haven’t had a night out like that, joking around with the boys and girls, everybody laughing, telling bawdy jokes, laughing, having a great time, in forever.

I don’t know that the heavy drinking was all that great for me, given various health concerns I’ve got now, but man, I miss the fun.

I miss laughing.

Felt nice. No pretense, just fun, and a good time had by all.

Thank you, Rocco, for making it a brilliant night.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 220 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Melusine, Sarah Monette
Comics: Cyber Force v5 10-11, Cyber Force: Shootout 1
Music: Istanbul (Not Constantinople), They Might Be Giants

thinking a lot about sex today

Not because I need to get some (I do) or that I’m particularly feeling my oats (I am), but that’s mostly because for the first time, I’m writing a sex scene.

(Well, not the first time, but the first time in canon. I alluded to the father’s use of a late night laptop session in The Mungk, and a couple of the short stories referenced sex – Get Back Again’s misogynist ghost threatening/chastising his murderer with abuse/promiscuity, Forest Edge’s main victim being a prostitute, its villain getting what comes to him at the hands of the prostitute’s best friend after being seduced, oh, and Western Cradle, which deals almost exclusively with a woman’s revenge for the murder of her family and her own gang rape).

Okay, well, then, this is the first time in canon, and also, the first time where the character is engaged in a consensual act that they really have no love for.

It’s something I would do without hesitation, and would hope my partner is open enough to find fun and sexy, but Walter, the main… he’s a little repressed. Well, a lot repressed.

And so, this is hard for me to write, because I don’t have a lot of boundaries, and it’s difficult for me to get into the mindset of someone who does. For me, it’s no big deal; it’s play.

For others, it’s world shattering.

For me, it’s fun; for Walter, it’s disgusting (hygienically and morally).

And believe me, we aren’t talking anything that weird here.

You’ll see when it’s all done.

When it finally comes out.

When any of this comes out.

Most of it has gone nowhere.

I might be getting a little stale.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 685 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Adam Bede, George Eliot
Comics: Cyber Force v3 4-6, Cyber Force & X-Men 1
Music: Invisible, Everclear

on status

I guess it’s something I really don’t give a shit about, and I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with people who do care so deeply. Are they so insecure in themselves that they can only feel important by dropping the names of people they know or have tangential relationships which, most of which consisted of being in the same room and uttering a polite hello, if that?

Sometimes, it’s just in the same room and knowing the person’s name.

But, I mean, there’s a limit. When you’re throwing around local names like they’re big celebs, maybe you ought to consider that other people know these people. It ain’t that big of a town.

That one’s white trash. This one was a bully in high school. I applaud the work that one’s doing, but my experience *of years* with them is that they are a consummate complainer, more interested in tearing down than building up, and definitely overestimating their relative skillset.

I’ve never even heard of that one, so why do you think it’s important that I know it and conflate this complete unknown’s relative “importance” with you?

Anyway, status, status, status… what’s the point? Spending so much time on it only makes you look desperate and kind of pathetic, and lowers any status or reputation you might have.

I’m certainly no paragon, and I have many, many (oh my god, so many) faults, but one thing I will give myself is that I have no interest in status. When I was younger, sure, I inflated my ego with bullshit stories to feel better about my importance in the world, but now that I’m older, have been through shit, and thoroughly tore myself down, man, who has time for that shit?

And at our age?

Life’s too short for the front.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 2124 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs
Comics: Cyber Force v2 26-29
Music: Interpol, Interpol

lottery

It’s a silly thing, isn’t it?

Miniscule chances for the possibility of something for literally, almost nothing?

Like, what? Twenty bucks and the time it took to go to the store?

Or, we could just work, and focus on doing what we love for way less money, but a way happier life. Are lottery winners that happy? Or are they harangued, losing money left and right because everyone’s at them and they aren’t business people, they’re journeymen, stay-at-home moms, office pools.

Folks whose lack of discipline has them working jobs they hate (or not working at all for various reasons, some of them completely legit) aren’t buying lotto tickets because they’re happy with their situation.

They either just don’t know how to move into a more fulfilling life, don’t know what that life looks like, or past decisions/social setup has them trapped into something less desirable, and this long shot is the only way out.

I don’t generally buy lottery tickets, but hell, if I don’t fantasize sometimes.

Of course, as I get older, I’m far more interested in stability doing something I love, and spending my time and money on experiences than things. Things are nice, but you only buy what you need.

And you don’t need most things.

But experiences? Priceless.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1805 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 17-18, Velocity 2, Ripclaw v2 1
Music: Instrumental, Linkin Park (not sure where this came from, but it's instrumental remakes of Linkin Park songs.  Weird, right?)