sometimes it throws a bone

I was busy as fuck today, or rather, given a lot of work to do, but as luck would have it, most of it went way quicker than expected.

The good news is that probably helped me boost my stats (not that my stats need to be particularly boosted), but it also meant that I could exceed my average and claw back some downtime, which allowed me to knock out some stuff I wanted to do that was non-work related (at least, not other people’s work) and catch up, ever so slightly.

Sometimes, life can be alright, am I right?

Until other people come along, and then it’s a fuck.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 165 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force v2 34-35, Strykeforce 1, Cyber Force & JLA 1
Music: Into The Wild, Eddie Vedder (I could listen to this version of Big Hard Sun all day)

derailed

Same again, same again.

How does this happen? Who’s fucking my day up?

Why is going to the office a thing?

Christ, I get so much more done, for them and for me, when I’m not there.

Enough already.

Give me a fucking break.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1797 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Devi's Reign 7-8, Cyber Force v2 32-33
Music: Into The Unknown, Bad Religion

off the rails

It’s amazing how quickly one can go from totally caught up to completely off the rails.

I expected it when we go away next week for twelve days, but fuck.

The last three days have been a nightmare of busy with “not-my-own-shit” and everything went straight off the rails.

Why can’t people just leave me fucking be for once?

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1032 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force 31, Devil's Reign 0.5, 5-6
Music: Interview Thing, Lisbon, Beastie Boys

st. wife’s birthday

At first, I thought it would be cool, like it was a sign my wife was born on St. Patty’s, but over the years, it’s just allowed me to be less of a drunk idiot on this day, and more of an attentive husband.

I resented it at first, because I love a good party, but the older I get, the more a drink is just a nice thing to relax with, or to pair with dinner. A celebration of milestones.

And it pretty much maxes out at two, on special occasions.

Gently toasted, not lit, is the maximum for me these days, so today, happy birthday, beautiful lady.

I’m very glad we found each other, and I’m sorry you’re doing all this one-handed.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 172 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Devil's Reign 2-4, Cyber Force v2 30
Music: Interpol EP, Interpol

on status

I guess it’s something I really don’t give a shit about, and I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with people who do care so deeply. Are they so insecure in themselves that they can only feel important by dropping the names of people they know or have tangential relationships which, most of which consisted of being in the same room and uttering a polite hello, if that?

Sometimes, it’s just in the same room and knowing the person’s name.

But, I mean, there’s a limit. When you’re throwing around local names like they’re big celebs, maybe you ought to consider that other people know these people. It ain’t that big of a town.

That one’s white trash. This one was a bully in high school. I applaud the work that one’s doing, but my experience *of years* with them is that they are a consummate complainer, more interested in tearing down than building up, and definitely overestimating their relative skillset.

I’ve never even heard of that one, so why do you think it’s important that I know it and conflate this complete unknown’s relative “importance” with you?

Anyway, status, status, status… what’s the point? Spending so much time on it only makes you look desperate and kind of pathetic, and lowers any status or reputation you might have.

I’m certainly no paragon, and I have many, many (oh my god, so many) faults, but one thing I will give myself is that I have no interest in status. When I was younger, sure, I inflated my ego with bullshit stories to feel better about my importance in the world, but now that I’m older, have been through shit, and thoroughly tore myself down, man, who has time for that shit?

And at our age?

Life’s too short for the front.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 2124 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs
Comics: Cyber Force v2 26-29
Music: Interpol, Interpol

anger baby

Some days, I look at everything I’ve ever written and thought, what a pile of garbage.

I am a talentless fuck who will not improve with any amount of work, focus or practice.

Many of you will agree with me.

But then I do something like birthing an anger baby, and I think, you know what?

Maybe.

Just. Fucking. Maybe.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1226 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children
Comics: Cyber Force v2 19-20, Ripclaw v2 3-4
Music: Intergalactic, Beastie Boys

karma

I realized this morning that though I knew the idea of karma as justice was incorrect, I realized just to the full extent how much I was this morning.

It has nothing to do with what is just and right, and everything to do with what is, and the entirely predictable flow of cause and effect, given knowledge of all contributing factors.

Start someone in life as a rich, spoiled, over-entitled brat and the arc of their life is karmic; they may be miserable and unsatisfied, because they never learned how to relate to the world and themselves in non-transactional terms, but that doesn’t mean the hammer of justice is going to come down on them.

It might, but who knows?

Karma is far more about the natural effects of understandable causes, and the sooner we realize that karma (effects) can be created by our actions (causes). Justice is served when we take the actions that lead to it.

Left to some mystical karmic “justice”, what will happen will only be the result of whatever random causes create whatever effects.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 294 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Enchiridion, Epictetus
Comics: Velocity 3, Ripclaw v2 2, Cyber Force True Stories - Heatwave 1, Devil's Reign 1
Music: Instruments Of Action, Forget Cassettes

lottery

It’s a silly thing, isn’t it?

Miniscule chances for the possibility of something for literally, almost nothing?

Like, what? Twenty bucks and the time it took to go to the store?

Or, we could just work, and focus on doing what we love for way less money, but a way happier life. Are lottery winners that happy? Or are they harangued, losing money left and right because everyone’s at them and they aren’t business people, they’re journeymen, stay-at-home moms, office pools.

Folks whose lack of discipline has them working jobs they hate (or not working at all for various reasons, some of them completely legit) aren’t buying lotto tickets because they’re happy with their situation.

They either just don’t know how to move into a more fulfilling life, don’t know what that life looks like, or past decisions/social setup has them trapped into something less desirable, and this long shot is the only way out.

I don’t generally buy lottery tickets, but hell, if I don’t fantasize sometimes.

Of course, as I get older, I’m far more interested in stability doing something I love, and spending my time and money on experiences than things. Things are nice, but you only buy what you need.

And you don’t need most things.

But experiences? Priceless.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1805 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 17-18, Velocity 2, Ripclaw v2 1
Music: Instrumental, Linkin Park (not sure where this came from, but it's instrumental remakes of Linkin Park songs.  Weird, right?)

heart tests

I feel like I’m going through one right now.

And I literally went through one this morning.

I am trying not to give up, but damn. It’s so hard.

I can’t even bring myself to submit anywhere. Even though every single thing I’ve ever written has been accepted and published somewhere, since I first decided to start sending them out (minus comics – I don’t have an artist to work with and the one with whom I’ve considered working in the – whose style is ideal for Romance #1, is entirely unreliable), I can’t bring myself to do it.

I worry.

Get Back Again was banned for, you know, being told from the bad guy’s point of view, and since that view was super misogynist, it was considered ban-worthy. Like, have these people ever read fiction?

Good fiction doesn’t insist all their villains act like good people.

It’s kind of the whole point.

Anyway, fuck it.

Who wants some?

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1050 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 16, Cyber Force Origins 3, Ballistic 3, Velocity 1
Music: Instrument Soundtrack, Fugazi

apple brie chicken

That’s been my day so far. A series of time consuming, but small tasks, interspersed with a desire to do something creative… and not really having the time for it.

Stuffed mushroom caps, red pepper soup shooters, apple and brie stuffed chicken… beer tastings.

All for no reason.

Sometimes, like if cute.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 121 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyblade & Shi 2, Ballistic 2, Cyber Force & Codename Strykeforce - Opposing Forces 2, Ripclaw Special 1
Music: Insomniac, Green Day