kindness, in mini

Let’s start small. Yesterday, I had difficulty reconciling the lifestyle of kindness and compassion with the need to punch a Nazi in the nose (because that may be the kindest thing you can do for the world, and perhaps for them).

Today, I’m just thinking about little things, and mostly, it comes down to paying attention. Instead of living in our own heads, we focus outward and really pay attention to the people around us, the people with whom we interact. How are they responding to what’s happening around them?

Do they need help? A good chuckle? A hug? A pat on the back? Some uplifting words?

Or maybe they just need someone to sit with them and be there for them.

I’m naturally drawn to the underdog, the person everyone’s ignoring in place of the most obvious victim or the cause du jour. Caregiver burnout is a real thing, and I think it behooves us to show some grace to those who do the work.

It’s very easy to feel empathy for an aging mother whose mind is wavering, or someone in a wheelchair, and very easy to criticize those who are most responsible for their welfare, who have set aside their own wants and needs in order to take care of someone else.

And it’s easy to sympathize with those who are caregivers, except when they get frustrated or dare to take a little something for themselves. Then, it’s easy to criticize; they’re bad people for getting angry at their charge, for taking a few moments to collect themselves while a child or parent is screaming; the accused, seeing the press whirl up against them without any regard for fact or nuance.

It’s easy to judge, to write off, to label as mean, as a bitch, an asshole, an abuser.

It’s much more difficult to try and understand, and in that, there is kindness.

I guess this wasn’t really mini at all.

More on that another time.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 2094 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Still Just A Geek, Wil Wheaton
Comics: WildC.A.T.S. 38-39, Grifter v2 11, WildC.A.T.S./X-Men 2
Music: Fly On The Wall, AC/DC

kindness in the face of insanity

I’ll admit, this is the part of kindness where I struggle. I know, in Buddhist though, Taoist thought, compassion is for everyone, no matter who they are or what they represent.

And I understand that. But I see kindness as having little effect on the authoritarians of the world, or on those who absolutely refuse to help themselves. In many cases, kindness is an enabling factor, not a mitigating one.

Kindness needs to be tempered with a resolve that doesn’t allow for bad behaviour to continue. Tough love, I believe it’s called, but I hate the concept itself – it’s so ripe for exploitation and coercion. Like so many great concepts “in theory”, there are always those who would twist the sentiment to their own end.

Tough love as the excuse for an abusive parent. Kindness as a shield for an exploitive guru. Compassion as way to enable another’s bad behaviour and thereby, avoid conflict.

It is not kindness to let people continue to behave poorly in their lives. Sometimes, the greatest kindness is letting go of that person, or devising a means by which their harm can be minimized (or eliminated altogether – and since I preach non-violence as much as possible, I prefer minimization – not ignorance, awareness without engagement).

Sometimes, the most kind thing is to recognize that the person you need to be kind to is yourself, and that the person who you believed deserved your kindness is not of more consequence than that. If compassion for another is killing you, it flies in the face of compassion. Compassion does not equal martyr.

Then again, maybe I just don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. Perhaps I’m only saying this because I feel on the verge of breaking, and am putting up walls to allow myself time to rebuild, refocus and rest.

Thus, it’s back to the Buddhist texts and a continued re-reading of Tao Te Ching. Kindness, empathy, compassion – the structure is in there somewhere.

And I’ll get it eventually.

I hope.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1369 words, novel: Father Lightning (and the tradition of missing my updated target on the first day continues)

Read: Still Just A Geek, Wil Wheaton (wait, is this a rewrite?  Ugh.)
Comics: WildC.A.T.S. 37-38, Grifter 9-10
Music: Flowers, The Rolling Stones

one off notes

Sometimes, I look back on my notes and can’t help but either shake my head or laugh.

Occasionally, in the middle of snippets about sentence structure or opining over character motivation, there will be an unexpected political rant or description of a whole other scenario for a character that would never fit into the book.

Entire lives and tragedies will have been lived out within the random scraps of my writings, entire storylines, whole new books carried out over a half a page. Tortures, ecstasies, vindications, justifications, explanation, exhortations and belittling of the idiot writing it all down.

It’s actually pretty common for me to make a note of how much I suck in the middle of editing notes.

For the record, I’m probably not as bad as all that, but since nothing’s really been published yet, I might be.

Of course, I’m living for the kindness now, and that does reflect on the self.

Be nicer to yourself, Empty. There’s no getting away from you, after all.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2050 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Interview With The Vampire, Anne Rice
Comics: Grifter 10, Grifter/Shi 1, Spawn/WildC.A.T.S. 3, WildC.A.T.S. 28
Music: Flick Of The Switch, AC/DC

process vs 4.0s

I was thinking about Tom Sterner’s note of the conundrum of actual learning versus the grades-based culture of modern education. How if a 2.0 and a 4.0 GPA go up against each other for the same job, the job will go to the 4.0 every time because the 4.0 represents to our product-based society the most potential.

On the other hand, if the 2.0 had focused on learning what they needed to learn, learning to live in the process, but not scoring well, they’d have nothing to show for the fact that they knew more and were better long term learners than the 4.0.

It’s presented as a paradox, but the more I think about it, it doesn’t matter. Maybe it matters to the hiring party, but functionally, having learned to live in the process, the 2.0 is better off in a thousand different ways, including self-sufficiency and quality of life and presence.

Are they really disadvantaged? They actually know how to do things. They know stuff. They are enjoying the process, and that always attracts attention.

I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s all that dire. That’s all I’m saying. Would that we could do away with the grade system in favour of, you know, actual learning, and I think we’d all be better off.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 1287 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Against The Fall Of Night, Arthur C. Clarke
Comics: Spartan: Warrior Spirit 2-3, Grifter 4-5
Music: Fixed, Nine Inch Nails

kindness starts at home?

I mean, is it possible that the first step in kindness is not just being nice to the people who are close to you, but maybe, showing yourself the kind of kindness you’d like to impart onto others?

Forgiveness for past transgressions. Forgiveness for failures, for inaction, for embarrassing blunders.

Forgiveness for little things.

Big things.

Bad behaviour.

Forgiveness for being a dumbass.

Because there’s always that. In the grand scheme of things, we are all morons.

So, forgive yourself for that. We’re all the same in that regard.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 800 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Pebble In The Sky, Isaac Asimov
Comics: WildCats Adventures 7, WildC.A.T.S. Special 1, Warblade: Endangered Species 4, WildC.A.T.S. 20
Music: First Impressions Of Earth, The Strokes

that was kind of rude

Like, the whole thing about Father Lightning is me exploring the nature of kindness, in the same manner I explored the concept of dualism in The Conflagration Of Boor And Aghast and trauma in The Mungk.

I don’t think I’m doing so well. The point of kindness is not that you’re a doormat; it’s also not to only be kind to those to whom it’s easy to be kind.

True kindness understands that sometimes the kindest thing is a direct truth; true kindness understands that sometimes, even those that would seem to deserve it the least are the ones that may need it the most.

It sets boundaries by shedding light on the reality of a situation; it understands that sometimes, in that enlightening, we may need to cast aside judgment.

I’m not sure I’m doing a very good job of that.

In this, I must be better.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2337 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Pebble In The Sky, Isaac Asimov
Comics: WildC.A.T.S. 18-19, WildCats Adventures 6, Warblade: Endangered Species 3
Music: The First Four Years, Black Flag

a long complicated process

Life. Simple concepts.

Endless permutations.

Familiar paths.

A million more options than we need.

All colliding together in predictable ways, that we cannot see.

We cannot see, and we suffer.

A reminder.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 1353 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby, Tom Wolfe And Word Salad
Comics: Gen 13 v2 76-77, Gen 13 v3 0-1
Music: Fear Of A Black Planet, Public Enemy

building a path

I mean, I’m a bit off today because yesterday was St. Patrick’s and I have to get right in there and get back to work, but I’m starting to think of possibilities that might help me move forward.

I’m thinking of possibilities that might break me free of this dreary life.

This bland and weary work.

This modern malaise.

I am planning.

Picking a way forward.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2163 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Code And Other Laws Of Cyberspace, Lawrence Lessig
Comics: Superman/Gen 13 2-3, Gen 13 v2 54, GenActive 2
Music: Family Tree, Bjork

march eleven

I have a lot to say on kindness, capitalism, Donald Trump, and the true new order that needs to emerge if humanity is to survive.

Unfortunately, it’s a Wednesday and there’s book club.

Not my book club. A book being used as a club.

I have a lot to say on Jonathan Franzen.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 1567 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: The Twenty-Seventh City, Jonathan Franzen
Comics: Gen 13 35-36, Gen 13: Magical Dream Queen Roxy 2-3
Music: Factory Showroom, They Might Be Giants

yesterday’s point

Yesterday’s post was identifying where I’d examined previously. I cover lots of little things in my smaller works, but the big themes of my life, I try to save for the canon.

The Mungk was trauma/fatalism.

The Conflagration Of Boor And Aghast is about tribalism and the pointlessness of dualism with substance, subtlety and consequence.

Father Lightning? It’s not going to be a tale of woe; or rather, it is, but there is, as there should be in all great novels of fear, a sense of humanity.

Of kindness.

Compassion.

I spent nearly a year wallowing over the hopelessness of it all with The Mungk. I spent over a year mired in the politics of mutual hate with Boor & Aghast.

It’s time for some higher focus.

It’s time to focus on a little kindness. A little compassion.

it’s time to make the world a little better place. Rather than navelgazing and moaning into the void, or raging against everyone who doesn’t agree with my side in mutually assured destruction, I’m going to learn how to be nice.

It may take more effort than I’ve got.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2506 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: A Vindication Of The Rights Of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft
Comics: Gen 13 v2 22-23, Gen 13 Bootleg 11-12
Music: February 1, 1992, Melbourne, Nirvana