day off

I’m taking the day tomorrow. Mostly, because we’ve been asked to take care of our granddaughter for the day/weekend (yes, sir! No problem, sir!), but because I am spiralling. I’m really not in a good place for work.

I feel like I’m behind, overworked, disorganized, putting way too much personal pressure on myself to meet standards and targets, and that’s not just work.

It’s me, fucking myself up.

Self-destructing, as always, and wanting to scrap it all and start again.

But I’ve done that too often.

I’ve come too far and I’m out of time.

After all, Donald Trump’s fascist state may invade or bomb us at any time. The psycho’s capable of anything, if it feeds his sad, little ego.

So, yeah.

Taking the day tomorrow.

Fuck Donald Trump.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1106 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Comics: Fathom v6 8, Aspen Universe: Decimation 1-3
Music: The Essential (1955-1983), Johnny Fuckin' Cash

happy birthday, sis

Sly Stone dies and my sister lives another year. Good for her.

Not that she shouldn’t live another year. Like all the people I love, I hope she lives until I die, at least. After that, well, I hope for her sake she lives a long time, but hell, I’ll be dead. What would it matter to me?

Then again, there’s always reincarnation. Maybe I’ll come back as a vibrator.

Assuming I’m bought by a Hollywood starlet, that’d be cool, I guess.

Or a carrier of the Republican virus, in that it only targets individuals who voted Republican, and rewires their brains to be permanently set on Mr. Rogers.

Now, wouldn’t that be a nice cleanse?

Sometimes, I think the stars aligned and decided: there is something truly, profoundly wrong with this guy.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1715 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Comics: Fathom v6 1-4
Music: Equal Strain On All Parts, Jimmy Buffett (fuck you, it's better than you think)

pagliones

It’s winery tour day in Essex, Kingsville and Harrow and the stretch between, to be fair, and I can’t wait.

I love fancy shit like that, as long as it’s not too fancy and formal.

I wanted to go to Paglione’s on my birthday last year and we ran out of time, so I’m excited.

This area is up-and-coming in wine, a historically good growing area and with climate change, one poised to make waves. French wine is still higher quality, sure, but there are some wineries doing truly inspired work around here (and up in Prince Edward County and Niagara – and out west in the Okanagan Valley).

Canadians never get credit for anything but maple syrup, poutine, curling and hockey, but damned if we aren’t among the best in the world at a whole bunch of other things, up to and including being goddamned nice.

We’re the Rodney Dangerfield of the Western world, if Rodney were actually just a really super nice guy who actually didn’t care whether he had that much respect.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1172 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Blackbirds, Chuck Wendig
Comics: Fathom: Blue 3-4, The Four Points 3-4
Music: Energy, Operation Ivy (amazing)

back to work

Well, I guess that’s it.

I’ve been torn in a thousand different directions, feel like I’m way behind on everything, and now, I have to go into the office three days out of every week, thus losing an hour of my day to prep and commute (not to mention the little moments I sneak on breaks and lunch to write, read, etc.)

This is going to hurt.

Fuck my life.

And fuck Donald Trump.

Just because.

Fuck him.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 2408 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Blackbirds, Chuck Wendig
Comics: Fathom: Kiani v4 4, The Four Points 2, Fathom: Blue 1-2
Music: Endtroducing, DJ Shadow

live music

It’s been a long time since I went to a concert, and Avril Lavigne wouldn’t exactly be my first choice, but I’m looking forward to it.

Not only is it huge good dad/husband/uncle points, it should still be pretty fun. I’m not a huge fan or anything, but as far as bubblegum pop goes, she’s hardly the worst thing out there.

You couldn’t drag me to a Lady Gaga show, and if the word boy band has ever been used to describe it, I’d rather exfoliate with hydrochloric acid.

(The first is dramatically overrated and the second is the apotheosis of everything wrong with the corporatization of music.)

Still. Could be cool, and the girls should love it.

What’s the word for when it makes you happy to see the people you love happy?

Oh, right.

Compersion.

I’m hoping to be fully compersed.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 765 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Pilgrim's Regress, C.S. Lewis (what the fuck am I reading?  World's greatest strawman arguments?)
Comics: Fathom v5 6-8, Fathom: Kiani v3 1
Music: The End Of The Innocence, Don Henley (he says, revealing how uncool he truly is)

june already?

Jesus, fuck.

My life is flying by.

The anger is palpable; we are a day away from a match being lit that leads to an explosion.

Please let me survive.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 741 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Casino Royale, Ian Fleming (if you thought Bond was misogynist in the movies... holy shit)
Comics: Fathom: The Elite Saga 3-5, Fathom v5 1
Music: The End Of Silence, Rollins Band

doctor

I’m not sure the doctor was right. I’m still getting cramps in the morning, even with the doubling of the medication.

They are slightly less, but maybe it’s just covering up a larger problem?

Like pretending Trump isn’t the second biggest threat to the planet (tops being Putin, because he controls Trump and is actually trying to bring about the collapse of freedom worldwide. Trump’s just a narcissistic idiot surrounded and influenced by Nazis, grifters and monsters – which is a very dangerous thing in his position, but still, he’s not the puppetmaster. He’s too dumb for that).

Anyway.

Covering up problems.

Sweeping them under the rugs, stuffing them in closets and under beds. Ignoring the trash can out back.

I guess it’s the same in both politics and medicine.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 3257 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
Comics: Fathom: Kiani v2 2-4, Fathom v4 7
Music: End Of A Century, Blur

parking lot

So there’s this parking lot, never more than half-full, that most of the workers in my building park in. Technically, I think we’re not supposed to, but come on. It’s attached to a mall that is barely hanging on. Indeed, the owners of said mall are trying desperately to push a plan through council to move the library and city hall there, so they can divest themselves of what I presume is a monstrous money sink that no one goes to, because it has nothing left in it.

Hence, the mostly empty parking lot. So, we at our office park there, instead of paying ridiculous prices for municipal parking or the monthly fee for the parking at our own building (for which there is a waiting list, and for me, with a big van and roof rack, essentially have no access to, because it’s a parking garage I can’t fit into). The parking lot at the mall is dilapidated, filled with potholes, and because it’s closer to our work, we park at the far end of it, so you know, taking up the least valuable spots in the lot.

Still, I gather the mall people don’t want us there, but because we’re not hampering customers, it doesn’t seem to be much of a priority.

Until Karen.

I pull in, from the back way, because it’s direct between my house and it (it doesn’t make sense to go around), and park. I notice on the way in that there’s a purple car circling the lot. It’s weird, and I know something’s up, but I’m not sure what, yet.

So, I get out of the car, grab my lunch, laptop bag and coffee. Before I can get two feet, this car wheels up, window down and the haggard, raw cheeked face of a woman who clearly has too much money and time on her hands rips up. She starts demanding if I work where I do, if I know this is a private lot, blah blah blah.

She points at the signs at the entrance, stating this is a private lot – signs at the main entrance, not the entrance I come through. I point that out, and she says, doesn’t matter, they’re still there. She does not like my question, asking her if she checks every entrance/exit from every building she goes into, just in case there’s signage telling her if a place is private or not. It’s a bit facetious on my part, but like, I get it. We aren’t supposed to be parking there. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal because again, the parking lot is never more than half-full, and no one has ever been denied a spot because of the low number of vehicles from us currently parking there.

Apparently, she disagrees, because it’s clear this has been a bug in her bonnet for some time, and leaves me with the impression that she probably doesn’t actually own the place, but her husband does (let’s just say the car isn’t super impressive, but her outfit and Guess purse clearly are intended to send the signal that she’s a richie rich. That may not be true, but it’s just the impression I get – that she actually has no authority at all, except maybe tangentially, and her husband (or whoever), got sick of hearing her bitch about the public servants causing no one any harm parking in her husband’s lot, and so, he told her to go do something about it, but wouldn’t sanction any official actions, and she knew the city wouldn’t get involved and she can’t start towing people, so yeah.

Here we are. Angry, rich, white woman, probably pushed over the edge because Poilievre lost and she can’t feel free spew her anger and hatred over the world from a position of power and entitlement, yelling at, again, public servants, for doing something that yes, is technically not allowed, from a strict legal sense, but is really a grey area at best from a logical, ethical stance.

Listen, I don’t know her deal. Maybe she works for the mall and thought this was a better option than towing cars she wasn’t entirely certain belonged to public servants. Maybe she owns the mall (I thought it was a local businessman by the name of Dan, but I don’t really know). Maybe she’s just having a really bad day. Maybe us parking there is causing some kind of extra expense we’re not aware of (but given the poorly maintained level of the parking lot, I strongly suspect not).

Listen, except the cheap shot of noting the signs indicating private property weren’t posted at the secondary entrance, I was nice about it. She was the angry face yelling at a random stranger from the window of her car. I try not to be confrontational; I don’t feel it’s particularly conducive most of the time.

But you know what? Fuck it.

There’s so many people who just can’t be bothered to even pretend to be nice to people, despite having, at best, the flimsiest of pretexts for being an asshole.

I’m done with it.

In retrospect, I wish I’d filmed it, so I could post it on the local rant & rave and see if it went viral and thoroughly embarrassed her, although from experience, I tend to see these people double down, rather than learn anything.

But yeah. Getting yelled at by a random stranger over something that yes, technically, I’ve done wrong, but in reality, is so utterly petty and pointless?

It’s official. I’m done being nice to people being so clearly shitty.

I won’t be a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, but I’m not ignoring it or explaining it away. We can understand where the other people is coming from while not sanctioning it or allowing it to continue. I will no longer tolerate shitty behaviour directed toward me and mine by people who are old enough to know better.

Game. Fucking. On.

Pricks.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1275 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Veniss Underground, Jeff Vandermeer
Comics: Hawk And Dove 24-26, Hawk And Dove Annual 2 (ah, dreaded Armageddon, which killed one of my favourite titles when I was young, by virtue of DC panic over a leaked ending that would have made a lot more sense, and instead required them to pivot incoherently to using Hawk as the villain, ending this series in its infancy)
Music: Ecstasy, Lou Reed

well, it’s not a majority

But maybe that’s for the best; it’ll keep the Liberals honest.

It does restore my faith in Canadians a little bit; we won’t have a wannabe fascist as Prime Minister.

Now, if we can just accelerate the collapse of the Trump regime, and do what we should have been doing since before Mulroney sold us out and making friends and deals with the rest of the world, to reduce our reliance on these nutjobs to the south…

Anyway, take the wins where you can get them. It’s not a crushing victory for progressive politics, but it’s not a regression.

Any improvement is good improvement.

Protopia, not utopia, remember that.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 880 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe
Comics: Hawk And Dove v2 9-12
Music: Echo & The Bunnymen Essentials, Echo & The Bunnymen

praying

I don’t believe in God, and the fact that Trump got back in and there’s still a significant portion of the population that supports him has me questioning humanity, but it’s election day, and I can only ask the universe to do something just for once, instead of just repeatedly indicating we’re actually in hell, but it’s not fire and brimstone, it’s just a slow descent into hopelessness, where every avenue gets blocked, every bit of optimism or glimmer of encouragement is choked off, until we all just say, fuck it, it’s too much, and write monstrous run-on sentences on our blogs before giving up completely and laying down to await the crush of our bodies beneath the tanks of bigotry, hatred and greed.

As you can tell, I’m having a good day, fighting my brain and trying to hold on to some slender sliver of hope, even as I jump to conclusions about the inevitable.

Sorry. I’m a real bummer, and I’m tired of the fight.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 739 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe (the bleakness of this, admittedly very well written book is not helping)
Comics: Hawk And Dove v2 5-8 (even here, the spectre of right versus left, liberal vs con, looms large)
Music: Echo & The Bunnymen, Echo & The Bunnymen