I don’t like to think about the past. The past has some fun memories, but mostly those only come up with friends (which rarely happens anymore) and usually revolves around someone (as often me as anyone) doing something very stupid.
I admit to missing those days; when memories of fun, dumb things weren’t things to recall, but things actively happening.
I also remember doing things without thought; most of those memories are rife with shame.
Indeed, a look back on the life I’ve had is to see one filled with waste and regret, myopic, self-deceptive and toxic behaviour, stupid decision after stupid decision justified by the flimsiest of ego-driven excuses.
Some would tell me to focus on the positives of the past – the friends, the adventures, the good times. It’s not terrible advice, but I’ve always been poor at connecting and when I was young, I was so delusional with insecurity (and hiding insecurity) that almost everything I did was fraught.
Some would tell me to forget it; I’ve learned from it. Time to move on with new lessons.
This has more value; what’s done is done. The only thing left is to learn.
Still, the sheer embarrassment of it all, the shame of my own stupidity…
These aren’t the things we laugh about. They’re the things we want to leave in the dust, but remain tied to us like anchors in the ground.
Target: 200 words
Written, 666 words, short story: Get Back Again
Read: 5 Steps To Controlling High Blood Pressure, Mayo Clinic
Comics: The Strange Talent Of Luther Strode 1-4
Music: A Quick One Box Set, The Who (yeah. Not a gem. A couple of okay songs, but yeah. Not their finest. Barely listenable.)