Off to Trenton. Off to grandbaby.
She’s about to go into JK. Jesus Christ.
Life is draining away at an exponential rate, isn’t it?
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1339 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: East Wind: West Wind, Pearl Buck (not my usual fare, but I really liked this - bring me into a world, I don't care what genre or style, and this did that)
Comics: Tomb Raider & Witchblade 1, Witchblade & Tomb Raider 1, Tomb Raider 1-2
Music: We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions, Bruce SpringsteenHaven’t had one of these in a while.
I guess draft beer still has its kick when you drink a half-dozen heavies.
Well, back to bed then, and a good dose of aspirin.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1607 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Magician: Apprentice, Raymond Feist
Comics: Grommets 4-5, The Sacrificers 11, The Holy Roller 8
Music: We Are The Same, Tragically Hip (most underrated album?)I mean, I had fun, but I wanted it to be so much better. The others were going on about how great the guy was, but I found the band super loose, and the singer was mucking up lyrics (and moving around entire verses) wholesale.
I’m not sure the hangover is worth that.
Sorry, dude, Gord Downie, you ain’t.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1127 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Magician: Apprentice, Raymond Feist
Comics: Napalm Lullaby 5-6, The Sacrificers 10, Grommets 3
Music: Wayne's World Soundtrack, Various ArtistsWould that I was. Fresh off reading the Bible all the way through, about to have my first drink, my first drug, my first real make-out session (my first kiss happened in grade one with a girl named Jessica, who ironically, was not my childhood sweetheart – that was Shelley, who my parents tell me is now some kind of super junkie, so, uh, I guess I had an early type), my first summer love, my first experiences with weed, mushrooms, acid and sex (not all at thirteen, of course, though it was a close thing).
I was told how smart I was; they made it sound like natural talent, so I never felt like I needed to learn how to put effort in. Things came too easy, and that fucked me later on, when they didn’t, and I didn’t know how to buckle down and study.
Classic fixed mindset, that didn’t shift until my mid-thirties.
I backed up that insecurity with bluster and bravado.
Bullshit.
And now, thirty-five years later, I still fight the demons of youth.
I’m not a junkie, not yet. I’m quite possibly an alcoholic, though I’d disagree with the sentiment, given that I’m rarely drunk and don’t actually have more than about a six-pack in a week.
I just like it, okay?
Leave me alone, dad.
Fuck.
Labatt 50 was my first sip of beer, and goddamnit. It sucked.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1140 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Magician: Apprentice, Raymond Feist
Comics: Napalm Lullaby 1-2, The Holy Roller 5, The Sacrificers 7
Music: Wave, Patti Smith GroupI was praying for peace, but, uh, yeah. Nope. Sofi’s not well (hopefully overkill from the week gone), and coming home to no Isis, and Raiden (her twin) being weird.
It’s hard.
Why doesn’t everything suck so much all the time?
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1344 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Hammered, Elizabeth Bear (finally, some progress)
Comics: A Righteous Thirst For Vengeance 11, Deadly Class 56, The Sacrificers 1-2
Music: Washing Machine, Sonic YouthWell, well, well. I guess my working out has paid off a little, if not in pounds lost, but in strength and endurance.
Maybe it’s turned some fat to muscle, or something like that.
Either way, I made it to the top of the Temagami fire tower with little rest, no chest pain and actually, didn’t feel too bad of a burn in my legs, despite the roughly two hundred steps (and a ladder) it takes to get to the top.
Nice.
At least some shit is working out for me.
All progress is progress, even if it’s only a little bit.
(And everything’s progress, because time, learning and change do not end – we only choose to ignore the lessons, and to stem the tide, which is about as fruitful as trying to stop a tsunami by standing in front of it and holding your hands up.)
What a world.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1559 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Hammered, Elizabeth Bear (I'm enjoying it, but tiiiime, man)
Comics: A Righteous Thirst For Vengeance 4-5, Deadly Class 50, The Scumbag 12
Music: Van Weezer, WeezerI’m so glad to be up here. I still dream of being buried in the lake.
When I die (or preferably, about to die so I get to see it all again), no Viking funeral, just take me to the deepest part of Lake Temagami, fold my hands on my chest, and let me go.
Tell them never to raise my bones.
I can find no greater peace than to lie still in the frozen waters of the great Canadian Shield, in my home.
Tell them.
These are my wishes for disposal.
(Spread my ashes if you must, if the authorities won’t allow you to sink a body without dredging me out of the lake. I would, however, prefer to be whole and at the bottom, to feed the lake with my corporeal and spiritual essence. I’ll settle for spiritual, if required.)
Otherwise, under cover of night…
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1368 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Hammered, Elizabeth Bear
Comics: The Scumbag 8-9, Deadly Class 46-47
Music: Warped Tour (Camden, NJ), Sublime (it's bootleg season, if you care)Nothing. I’ll write up a whole thing tomorrow about our baby girl and how much she meant to us, but I’m dehydrated from tears and the sweat of digging a grave in thirty-degree-celsius heat (not to mention lack of sleep), and I’ve got a pounding headache.
Suffice it to say, we’ve lost something beautiful today, and my heart hangs in tattered shreds.
People say they’re just animals, but fuck them. Anyone who doesn’t understand the love between a person and their pet is emotionally stunted.
You might as well take your heart and throw it in a river, for all the good it’s doing, you soulless jerk.
Sorry, I’ve never gotten over the comment about our first loss: “It’s just a cat.”
Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1048 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Rocket Ship Galileo, Robert Heinlein
Comics: Death Or Glory 11, Low 23-25
Music: Warp Bootleg, CKYThere’s a bit in Bad Neighbours regarding last names, so I’ve been trying to come up with as many similar sounding L names as possible. I think I’ve managed it, but well, I’ve hit a wall and then I had to look it up.
My brain is jello.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 43 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Myths & Texts, Gary Snyder
Comics: Death And Glory 6-8, Deadly Class 42
Music: War Sucks, Let's Party!, Anti-Flag (damn straight)My health fights my ambition.
My depression fights my motivation.
I’m not sure which is winning.
Happy goddamned birthday.
I’d like nothing more than to go back to being twelve, with the knowledge I have now, and do things the right fucking way.
Then again, would I have all this?
Or would I have opted for the easy way out that time?
Would I have followed Matt into heroin and other hard drugs?
Would I have done something even dumber than the things I already did?
It is hell to be at war, whether it’s with others or yourself.
The dichotomy must die.
Target: 1300 words
Written: 1562 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey
Comics: Deadly Class 23-24, Seven To Eternity 3, Black Science 26
Music: Experience The Divine, Bette Midler (because I hate myself, apparently)