Category: personal

live music

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It’s been a long time since I went to a concert, and Avril Lavigne wouldn’t exactly be my first choice, but I’m looking forward to it.

Not only is it huge good dad/husband/uncle points, it should still be pretty fun. I’m not a huge fan or anything, but as far as bubblegum pop goes, she’s hardly the worst thing out there.

You couldn’t drag me to a Lady Gaga show, and if the word boy band has ever been used to describe it, I’d rather exfoliate with hydrochloric acid.

(The first is dramatically overrated and the second is the apotheosis of everything wrong with the corporatization of music.)

Still. Could be cool, and the girls should love it.

What’s the word for when it makes you happy to see the people you love happy?

Oh, right.

Compersion.

I’m hoping to be fully compersed.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 765 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Pilgrim's Regress, C.S. Lewis (what the fuck am I reading?  World's greatest strawman arguments?)
Comics: Fathom v5 6-8, Fathom: Kiani v3 1
Music: The End Of The Innocence, Don Henley (he says, revealing how uncool he truly is)

crashed out and cleaned out

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I’m exhausted, poor and in physical and mental anguish.

I just want connection.

Love.

Time alone.

Time to relax, recharge, catch up.

The most love a person could show me would be to allow that to become true.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 727 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Pilgrim's Regress, C.S. Lewis
Comics: Fathom v5 2-5
Music: End Of The Century, The Ramones

june already?

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Jesus, fuck.

My life is flying by.

The anger is palpable; we are a day away from a match being lit that leads to an explosion.

Please let me survive.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 741 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Casino Royale, Ian Fleming (if you thought Bond was misogynist in the movies... holy shit)
Comics: Fathom: The Elite Saga 3-5, Fathom v5 1
Music: The End Of Silence, Rollins Band

goodbye, weekend

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I’d hoped to find you lazy and unfilled, but instead, it’s a fucking free-for-all.

Again.

On the plus side, I found the time to really hammer down a particularly major scene in Bad Neighbours. If it all works as I planned, it (and one other particular scene) should be absolutely iconic.

There’s another scene that could also be considered iconic, but I actually left it out as an actual scene, only doing a videotaped callback to it later on.

Not sure that keeps iconic status, and becomes more plot device, played for anger and for laughs (and maybe a bit of titillation, which is a fun nod, now that I think about it.

Foreshadowing.

Doesn’t come up too much in the gross-out, cringe comedy genre.

Or does it?

Target: 1200 words
Written: 890 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
Comics: Fathom v4 8-9 (fuckin' Lobdell), Fathom: The Elite Saga 1-2
Music: End Of Days Soundtrack, Various

doctor

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I’m not sure the doctor was right. I’m still getting cramps in the morning, even with the doubling of the medication.

They are slightly less, but maybe it’s just covering up a larger problem?

Like pretending Trump isn’t the second biggest threat to the planet (tops being Putin, because he controls Trump and is actually trying to bring about the collapse of freedom worldwide. Trump’s just a narcissistic idiot surrounded and influenced by Nazis, grifters and monsters – which is a very dangerous thing in his position, but still, he’s not the puppetmaster. He’s too dumb for that).

Anyway.

Covering up problems.

Sweeping them under the rugs, stuffing them in closets and under beds. Ignoring the trash can out back.

I guess it’s the same in both politics and medicine.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 3257 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
Comics: Fathom: Kiani v2 2-4, Fathom v4 7
Music: End Of A Century, Blur

thursday

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Yep.

It’s fucking Thursday.

Jerks.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1277 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v4 5-6, Fathom: Kiani v2 0-1 (who the fuck let Scott Lobdell take over this franchise; the man clearly didn't get the subject matter and just wanted to write another fucking DC or Marvel superhero book)
Music: End Hits, Fugazi

every day something new

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That used to be my motto for writing, or learning, exposure to different things, methods of storytelling, experiences, etc., but sometimes, it’s nice to fall into an old comfort.

Especially now, when you’re convinced you have bowel cancer or an impending appendix explosion, and the idiot doctor that just provided you with substandard care blew it off as gas.

Old comfort. New discomfort.

Familiar discomfort.

Crippling depression.

What’s old is new again. What’s new is ultimately old.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1248 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v4 2-4, Fathom: Blue Descent 4
Music: Empty Glass, Pete Townshend

emergency room?

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Yeah, right. I’ve been having pretty severe cramps every morning (and every once in a while we’re walking the dogs) for a couple of weeks now, so I figured it was time to see a doctor.

This “doctor”, who seemed far more interested in chatting up nurses than helping, does the laziest ultrasound ever, not even actually going over the sections that hurt the most, and then says, it’s gas. Take an extra acid reflux pill each day.

Fuck my life.

Why is it that someone like me, who spends so much time trying to be independent and so much time trying to make sure he’s there and doing the right things for others (and often failing), when he needs help, when he actually, finally, asks for help, the response is always from someone who couldn’t care less?

I’m so tired of being in the minority.

I’m so tired of being one of the few who actually wants to do right by others, even as I do wrong by myself.

And if you didn’t think I was an egotistical narcissist before and are thinking, well, duh, it’s your attitude bro, well, here’s your fucking moment.

My moment is doubled over with cramps.

If I die, I’m going total poltergeist on that doctor.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1200 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v3 9-10, Fathom: Blue Descent 0-1
Music: Emotional Rescue, The Rolling Stones

stolen away

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How do entire days get stolen from one? I went to the clinic yesterday morning regarding stomach cramps I’ve had for a couple of weeks, but naturally, they had no power, so they were closed.

Fuck me, I guess.

That should have gained me a few hours of my life back, but somehow, even with the girls working until four o’clock, that meant I was forced into a number of chores I’d been hoping to avoid for a while.

So, here we are, having lost a whole weekend of good writing and reading and generally, time alone, to fucking crap that doesn’t really matter.

I like a nice lawn as well, but who really gives a shit?

Let the bees and the birds have it, and let them reclaim this world.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1097 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Thieves' World, Asprin/Abby/Anderson/Haldeman/Offutt/Bradley/Brunner/DeWees (what an accomplishment this is, an anthology in a shared world where, for the most part, things actually flow together fairly well, though Cappen Varra and Jamie the Red are a bit off, and Marion Zimmer Bradley's offering is disturbing given her personal life.)
Comics: Fathom v3 6-8, Aspen Seasons 4
Music: The Eminem Show, Eminem

end me, week

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I don’t think I’ve felt this down in a while. I feel like everything is collapsing, and my usual techniques are not up to par.

I am working on it.

Part of me wants to burn it all down and start over (a-fucking-gain), but I’ve come too far and have too little time left to begin again.

At this point, it’s finish the chore of living or give the whole thing up.

I’m not sure what’s worse – trying constantly to make it and failing, or not bothering with it at all.

At least I’d have more free time if I gave up, more time for my family.

But this is the driver; I feel like walking death when I don’t let it out.

Let it fucking out, or let them fucking in. I don’t know which one is worse.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1084 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Thieves' World, Assorted Authors
Comics: Fathom: Kiani 4, Fathom v3 0-1, Aspen Showcase: Aspen Matthews 1
Music: Emigre, Anti-Flag