Category: personal

one off notes

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Sometimes, I look back on my notes and can’t help but either shake my head or laugh.

Occasionally, in the middle of snippets about sentence structure or opining over character motivation, there will be an unexpected political rant or description of a whole other scenario for a character that would never fit into the book.

Entire lives and tragedies will have been lived out within the random scraps of my writings, entire storylines, whole new books carried out over a half a page. Tortures, ecstasies, vindications, justifications, explanation, exhortations and belittling of the idiot writing it all down.

It’s actually pretty common for me to make a note of how much I suck in the middle of editing notes.

For the record, I’m probably not as bad as all that, but since nothing’s really been published yet, I might be.

Of course, I’m living for the kindness now, and that does reflect on the self.

Be nicer to yourself, Empty. There’s no getting away from you, after all.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2050 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Interview With The Vampire, Anne Rice
Comics: Grifter 10, Grifter/Shi 1, Spawn/WildC.A.T.S. 3, WildC.A.T.S. 28
Music: Family, Cat Stevens

tax day

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I’ve never had to pay, but there’s always a first.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 1462 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Interview With The Vampire, Anne Rice
Comics: Spawn/WildC.A.T.S. 1-2, Grifter 9, WildC.A.T.S. 27
Music: The Fallout, Default

who’s that ray-ray?

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He’s our baby boy of nearly sixteen years. His twin died last year, and he has been on a downward slide since.

He’s not the same; he looks like he’s out of it a lot.

I fear we might not have much longer with our boy.

Man, that sucks.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2410 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Against The Fall Of Night, Arthur C. Clarke
Comics: Zealot 2, Wildstorm: Chamber Of Horrors 1, Grifter/Badrock 1, WildC.A.T.S. 24
Music: Faith, The Cure

repetition

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I think it’s time I got more serious about writing and exploring kindness.

See, The Mungk took me to a dark place because I was thinking about trauma, abandonment and isolation the whole time. The Conflagration of Boor and Aghast made me angry, because tapping into the outrage machine and felt helplessness of modern politics can’t help but do so (also, didn’t help that Trump launched his reign of terror).

Father Lightning is, at its core, an exploration of kindness. So rather than bogging down in anger and hopelessness or despair, it was meant to re-centre me, and re-focus on compassion and empathy and treating people with kindness and respect.

But here I am, thinking about anger and trauma, again.

Going forward, no more pain and anger (well, some pain and anger).

The primary focus of this blog will be kindness, and everything that goes along with it.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2195 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Time For A Tiger, Anthony Burgess (when I started reading this, I thought it might be about an actual tiger, or a tiger as a metaphor for Malaysia near the end of British rule, but nope - a Tiger is a warm beer, and our protagonist spend most of their time not wanting to do anything but stop what they're doing and go have one.  Weird premise, Burgess.  I mean, I understand the sentiment, but weird thing to focus a book on.)
Comics: Voodoo/Zealot: Skin Trade 1, Zealot 1, WildC.A.T.S. 23, Team One/WildC.A.T.S. 2
Music: Facelift, Alice In Chains

midnight library

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My daughter is listening to this audiobook, and I can’t help but think it dovetails with my idea of an afterlife (of just spending all one’s time exploring all the possible scenarios and things one wanted to know in one’s life), only instead of curiosity and wanting to know what one’s missed, it’s a testament to human restlessness, of its ridiculous dissatisfaction with literally everything.

FOMO is destroying the world.

Of that, I have no doubt. Envy is a real bitch.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 506 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Time For A Tiger, Anthony Burgess
Comics: Team One/WildC.A.T.S. 1, Spartan: Warrior Spirit 1, WildC.A.T.S. 22, Grifter 3
Music: Face Dances, The Who

funny how that works

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You wake up, things seem like they’re going tickety-boo, and then all of a sudden, it’s three o’clock and you’ve only done distracted things and shit for other people.

And yet it seemed like you had so much time.

If that ain’t a metaphor for a wasted life, I don’t know what is.

This workin’s for the birds.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2028 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Time For A Tiger, Anthony Burgess
Comics: Wildstorm Rising 2, Grifter 2, WildCats Adventures 10, WildC.A.T.S. 21
Music: Fables Of The Reconstruction, R.E.M.

unnatural exhaustion

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I’ll be honest.

I’m starting to worry.

Am I dying?

Target: 1500 words
Written: 1183 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Time For A Tiger, Anthony Burgess
Comics: WildCats Adventures 8-9, Wildstorm Rising 1, Grifter 1
Music: February 26, 1994, Milan, Nirvana (the last of the bootlegs, I swear. I think. For now, anyway.)

kindness starts at home?

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I mean, is it possible that the first step in kindness is not just being nice to the people who are close to you, but maybe, showing yourself the kind of kindness you’d like to impart onto others?

Forgiveness for past transgressions. Forgiveness for failures, for inaction, for embarrassing blunders.

Forgiveness for little things.

Big things.

Bad behaviour.

Forgiveness for being a dumbass.

Because there’s always that. In the grand scheme of things, we are all morons.

So, forgive yourself for that. We’re all the same in that regard.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 800 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Pebble In The Sky, Isaac Asimov
Comics: WildCats Adventures 7, WildC.A.T.S. Special 1, Warblade: Endangered Species 4, WildC.A.T.S. 20
Music: October 30, 1992, Buenos Aires, Nirvana

that was kind of rude

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Like, the whole thing about Father Lightning is me exploring the nature of kindness, in the same manner I explored the concept of dualism in The Conflagration Of Boor And Aghast and trauma in The Mungk.

I don’t think I’m doing so well. The point of kindness is not that you’re a doormat; it’s also not to only be kind to those to whom it’s easy to be kind.

True kindness understands that sometimes the kindest thing is a direct truth; true kindness understands that sometimes, even those that would seem to deserve it the least are the ones that may need it the most.

It sets boundaries by shedding light on the reality of a situation; it understands that sometimes, in that enlightening, we may need to cast aside judgment.

I’m not sure I’m doing a very good job of that.

In this, I must be better.

Target: 1500 words
Written: 2337 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Pebble In The Sky, Isaac Asimov
Comics: WildC.A.T.S. 18-19, WildCats Adventures 6, Warblade: Endangered Species 3
Music: February 19, 1992, Tokyo, Nirvana