Category: personal

i pull a card every day

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It’s a wishful thinking thing, like a horoscope, but more personal.

Today was supposed to be a good day.

And it had its moments.

But mostly, I wanted to fall asleep. To do the few things I needed to do (read, write, sex, etc.) and go the fuck to sleep.

I did edit. And I read, a little. Not as much as I’d like. If I want to do any better at it, I’ll have to do it before bed.

Which I hate.

I’m already exhausted. Why rush it? Of course, if I don’t do it, it establishes precedent. Starts a habit. You know how in your mind, once you do something, even once, it becomes possible to do it again and again? The whole four minute mile thing, and sadly, acts of evil. Do it once and you know you’re capable of it.

Do it again, and well…

Let’s just say Donald has practice. This doesn’t happen overnight. His soul is as warped as a soul can possibly be.

But let’s not think about him. I have a couple more issues of Fables I’d like to read…

Target: 1400 words
Written: 2017 words, comic: The Stuff

Read: Secrets And Lies: Digital Security In A Networked World, Bruce Schneier (fascinating stuff - never know I could be so into cryptology, outside of Digital Fortress)
Comics: Fables 110-113
Music: Within A Mile From Home, Flogging Molly

rage

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I had ideas about what to write today, but things went so far off the rails, from taking a coatrack to the head, being utterly abandoned by anyone and everyone and just the universe, doing its complete fucking of me, again and again.

I need to stay off social media. They’ve gone looney tunes down south and my blood pressure is through the roof.

Target: 1400 words
Written: 4500 words

Read: Secrets And Lies: Digital Security In A Networked World, Bruce Schneier (prophetic and interesting, as a time capsule during a time I would have been a lamer script kiddie)
Comics: Fables 107-109, Jack Of Fables 50
Music: [With_Teeth], Nine Inch Nails

for a writer, i don’t write good

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Or rather, I think I write well, okay at best, but I rarely know what I want to say. I read other books with these incredible telling details or unbelievable insights into the human condition and I think, why not me?

What am I saying that’s not been said before?

I suppose there’s something to be said on saying something that has been said in a different way, and different voices reaching different people in different ways, but yeah.

I always wanted to be original. Unique. At the vanguard of something new.

But I don’t know what. It’s the essence of constrained – having something inside of you building like a new big bang, but being so essentially weak of spirit as to be unable to unleash it into the void.

And that’s what out there – void.

No one reads my shit because I don’t promote my shit. I’m Holden Caulfield, if he lived now and on social media. If he thought he hated phonies before, man, wait until he gets a load of Instagram and Twitter.

He’d be dead before the day was out.

I was eased into it, and despite knowing these are the tools I require to be successful in today’s age, I am increasingly convinced that social media needs to be phased out of my life, and out of existence entirely, if we are to survive.

Otherwise, none of us may last the day.

Target: 1400 words
Written: 1476 words, comic: The Stuff #1

Read: Secrets And Lies: Digital Security In A Networked World, Bruce Schneier
Comics: Fables 103-106
Music: With The Lights Out, Nirvana

we are not who we think we are

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It’s common in Taoism, Buddhism, etc., to assume that the mind is not who we are, that we are something beyond our conditioning, our monkey minds, the trappings of our social circles and belief systems.

That there is something, someone beneath all that, so completely in tune with the universe that it can, if we can fall back into it, blow away all the bullshit of our selves and lives with a gentle breath, to reveal the bodhisattva at the centre of it all.

I believe this to be largely true. I’m not a religious man, but when I’ve sat and peeled layers, letting each go in turn…

I’m in there. I’m at the centre, not matter how rotten the layers get as we head toward the outside of me.

And that centre is everything.

Target: 1400 words
Written: 2105 words, comic: The Stuff #1

Read: The Catcher In The Rye, J.D. "DawggyDawg" Salinger
Comics: Cinderella: Fables Are Forever 4-6, Fables 102
Music: With The Beatles, The Beatles

2026

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Well, a relaxing night last night amidst weird changes – I’ve become convinced I’ll be rewriting the penultimate scene before the climax and epilogue of Boor & Aghast. We’re enforcing sobriety on someone, in the hopes that they won’t kill themselves or others driving.

We’ve lost most of our friends, inexplicably, and the ones who’ve stuck with us are true.

I’m not sure what the rumour mill is, or the allegation, or whether it’s just people tired of me not kowtowing to right or left wing hardlines, despite being entirely anti-Trump.

Sorry, but outrage is a terrible way to live, and proportion is a conversation that must be had.

We end people’s lives over stuff that isn’t actually all that traumatic. A micro-aggression is no reason to blow somebody up. It’s a polite conversation for understanding; not a social media smear campaign designed to destroy families, careers, relationships, and ultimately, probably radicalize the individual in the opposite direction.

If a kid swears in front of his parents, we don’t treat them like a murderer; we talk to them about the appropriate use of language.

Perspective and proportion, always. You don’t use a tank when a flyswatter will do.

Anyway, happy new year; here’s hoping this is the year some sanity returns.

Target: 1400 words
Written: 765 words, short story: Perspective

Read: The Catcher In The Rye, J.D. Salinger
Comics: Fables 99-100, Jack Of Fables 48-49
Music: Winning Days, The Vines

end 2025 and father frank

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Well, I’m batting .500 on my resolutions.

I didn’t lose weight, but I did write a full-length novel, so that’s cool.

Bit of a bittersweet day, and not just because we had a funeral this morning.

Catholics are weird; Father Frank, who talked about the body the woman would return to, said it wouldn’t be the 100-year old body (which he referred to as “ripe for the picking”), it would be…

*leers at young, attractive, large-breasted girl in the front row*

“young, pretty and, mmm, vivacious”

*leans over to attractive, muscular young man further down the row*

and equally creepily, in lecherous old man tone, says

“strong and vibrant, mmmm… vibrant”…

Suffice it to say my kids would never be alone with that nasty old fuck, certainly not in the equally skeevily-named Good Shepherds Room, off the main hall.

Christ, Catholics, what the fuck are you even doing? You know this is why you’re on the decline, in addition to being an unserious institution of role players doing the religious version of D&D with its man in the sky fiction, and pretending that gives them power over people, and the ability to be a goddamn pervert?

How about in 2026, we just get rid of religion altogether?

Target: 1400 words
Written: 1202 words, short story: Perspective

Read: Plot & Structure, James Scott Bell (so useful)
Comics: Jack Of Fables 46-47, Fables 97-98
Music: Wind It Up (Rewound), The Prodigy
Year Totals:

Target Words: 450400 words
Written Words: 443120 words, 1 novel, 3 comics, 3 short stories, 3 poems
Books Read: 84
Comics Read: 1637 comics
Albums Listened To: 449 albums
New Recipes Tried: 258 recipes
Places Travelled: 7 (Muskoka/Prince Edward County/New York/France/Germany/Netherlands/Switzerland)

what a day

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Running like I’m Forrest Gump, and partying like a three-year who just discovered a box of breakfast donuts.

Good times, lady.

Target: 1400 words
Written: 1538 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Soon I Will Be Invincible, Austin Grossman
Comics: Fables 81-82, Jack Of Fables 31-32
Music: Wicked Nature, The Vines

running out of time

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My god, deadlines are hard. Also, I do recall chastising myself for burnout the last time I tossed it all and started over; it’s supposed to be forward progress, not hard lines.

Remember, dork. It’s supposed to be fun.

Target: 1400 words
Written: 710 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Zombie Survival Guide, Max Brooks
Comics: Fables 69-70, Jack Of Fables 19-20
Music: Who's Got The 10 1/2?, Black Flag (fun fact: it's Kira)

sunday, sunday

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Today, we feast.

Not for Christmas or whatever, but just because.

Tuscan chicken in a sun-dried tomato cream sauce, garlic spinach, arugula with a high quality balsamic vinaigrette, Italian vegetable soup and marinated mozzarella cubes.

I do like to cook. Would that I had the time and money to do it right, on the regular.

Fucking cost of living bullshit.

Fucking time of living bullshit.

Why can’t we all just be dead, happy and full?

Target: 1400 words
Written: 1220 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Zombie Survival Guide, Max Brooks
Comics: Fables 67-68, Jack Of Fables 17-18
Music: Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?, U2