Category: personal

one million words

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A milestone passed. I hadn’t really thought about it until I saw the tally. Over a million words since January 1st, 2024. A little over two and a half years, averaging about a thousand words a day or so currently.

Not bad. Too bad my original estimate was three thousand words a day, which would put me closer to three million, but hey, life, am I right?

Not bad at all.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 819 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: The Grey Seas Under, Farley Mowat
Comics: Invincible 40-41, Noble Causes 29, Dynamo 5 3
Music: The Fragile (Left), Nine Inch Nails

the sky is orange

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We’re in Mad Max now.

I’m so happy to have been born in an age of enlightenment, the most technologically advanced civilization to ever exist, just in time for the apocalypse.

These things are not unrelated.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 2555 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: The Grey Seas Under, Farley Mowat (I want this to be a TV show)
Comics: Noble Causes 27-28, Invincible 39, Dynamo 5 2
Music: Fox Theatre, Sublime

firefucked

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So there are wildfires, and my throat hurts, and we’re not even close to them. We’re literally hundreds of kilometres away.

My day, however, as spent rescuing an outdoor cat we were thinking about taking on anyway, when it seemed like she was struggling to breathe in the haze.

We hope we weren’t too late.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 840 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: The Grey Seas Under, Farley Mowat (blown away already)
Comics: Invincible 37-38, Noble Causes 26, Dynamo 5 1
Music: The Fox, April 10, 2006, State Radio

forty nine

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One year short of a half-century. Half a century use to seem ancient.

Would that I could start over. What I could do, how I could live, with the things I know now; I don’t mean specific knowledge.

I mean the whole how-to-live thing. What’s important. What to focus on.

When to take action. When to relax.

Wouldacouldashoulda.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1534 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Wizard At Large, Terry Brooks
Comics: Invincible 33-34, Noble Causes 22-23
Music: Fossil Fuels: The XTC Singles Collection 1977-1992, Discs 1-2, XTC

last of forty-eight

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I’ve only a year and a day left until I transition into the guy who wore an onion on his belt, because that was the style at the time.

Half a century and the best I can do is rip off Grampa Simpson.

Man, that’s sad.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 749 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Wizard At Large, Terry Brooks
Comics: Invincible 31-32, Noble Causes 20-21
Music: Forty Licks, The Rolling Stones

i still have thoughts

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But they’ll have to wait for tomorrow – today, I’ve learned that our newest cat and our oldest dog have odd looking growths on their gums and butt respectively, and now, all I can think is that I’ve had nowhere near enough time.

Hold tight to those you love; they could be ripped away at any second.

In this dangerous world, love is a gift, to be given freely and without remorse.

Until it’s gone.

Then, there can be a little remorse.

Or a lot, if it’s as special as my Mazy and Sami.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1806 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Enchanter's End Game, David Eddings (okay, I know, I know, Eddings is a problematic, kept the kid in the basement and fed him fish heads with my wife kind of problematic, but this was still a strong series, and it ended beautifully.  I teared up a little at Polgara giving up all her power at the end, and then... well. I won't spoil it.  It's a goddamn shame that these days, no one can be brilliant without the caveat of cancellation.  I'm not saying he was right in what he did; I am saying we don't know what his eventual response was - this was all pre-publication.  Maybe he learned from it.  Maybe he grew.  Maybe his philosophies were shaped by his mistakes, in a way that opposed the error of his ways.  All I'm saying is that there are zero people in this world that are perfect; what matters is growth and change, not perfection.  If we insist on perfection, we end up with heartbreak.  Best to take a wider approach).
Comics: Marvel Team-Ups 14, Noble Causes 17-18, Invincible 28
Music: Forth, The Verve (sully on)

i have thoughts

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I have to organize them, because the political climate automatically stigmatizes certain things, which is why certain allegations will always kill a campaign, regardless of truth, unless you’re a Republican, in which child rape is apparently still not the boundary of disqualification.

However, I want to say it right, because there are important conversations to be had around consent, around the presumption of guilt, and on the growing conclusion that the core of the Democratic establishment is, in fact, little better than their Republican counterparts, and needs to be ousted just as decisively as any and all Republicans.

Perhaps new parties are needed.

Certainly, it seems that way to me.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1156 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Enchanter's End Game, David Eddings
Comics: Noble Causes 14-16, Invincible 27
Music: Forgiveness Rock Record, Broken Social Scene

well that got away from me

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Stupid me, doing actual work at the job that pays me. It takes too much time away from my goofing off.

Is there a way to get paid for goofing off?

Yes.

Many, Empty.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1527 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Enchanter's End Game, David Eddings
Comics: Noble Causes 14-16, Invincible 27
Music: FOREVER, Cracker (FOREVER)

exhale

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The anger is going.

It is not gone, but the only way to truly forgive oneself is to let go.

Let go and take action.

That’s all one can do.

One cannot be free until one lets go of guilt, and then moves to make amends.

Or at the very least, not to repeat the mistake.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1594 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Enchanter's End Game, David Eddings
Comics: The Pact 1-2, Noble Causes 10, Invincible 0
Music: For Tomorrow, Blur

too much anger

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Not just in the world, but in me.

I’m angry at the world’s situation.

I’m angry at myself, for wasting so much time.

I’m angry at myself, for not being a better man.

I’m angry at circumstances beyond my control.

I’m angry at being blamed for things I didn’t even do, and never would.

I’m angry at greed.

I’m angry at corruption.

I’m angry at myself for allowing depression to dictate the terms of my life.

I’m angry at other people, for constantly invading my time and space.

I’m angry, because I’m not nice enough, and because I cannot be less nice.

I’m angry at my own frustation.

I’m angry, again, at my inability to change any of this.

I’m angry at my inertia.

Target: 1600 words
Written: 1818 words, novel: Father Lightning

Read: Definitely Dead, Charlaine Harris
Comics: Noble Causes 8-9, Invincible 21-22
Music: For Those About To Rock, AC/DC