Category: personal

rondeau

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Here we go, Rondeau Joe’s.

I’ve managed to lose a few pounds of late, so why the fuck not?

Let’s undo all the hard work.

The restraint.

There are days where I wonder why we are punished to live.

There are days where an end would be preferable to continuation.

There are days.

But then, there’s food and that allows me to combine enjoyment and a death wish, so I guess we’re all good.

Target: 800 words
Written: 976 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: White Hot Truth, Danielle Laporte
Comics: Untold Tales Of I Hate Fairyland 11-14
Music: Random Pranks, Gnarkill

bib-dewey

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Named by a neighbour after something to do with the library system, he’s been hanging around here since we moved in.

And now he’s gone, missing. We saw him, a few blocks away, digging in some bushes. He’s been scrawny for months; something was clearly wrong.

Mangy, the last time I got close to him, he had poop on the back of his legs.

Poor little guy. We spent a lot of time petting him. While I don’t really approve of the outdoor cat thing myself, it has always been nice to have them hanging about, especially when they are as friendly as can be.

And Bibbers was one of those.

Very friendly, loved a good pet. Had a little snaggle tooth which meant you could always pick him out from the other black cats with the little white spot on their chest.

And now he’s gone, wandered off to spend his final moments alone, in peace. It’s heartbreaking not to know the end.

It’s heartbreaking she didn’t do something about him much earlier; there is mercy in the cessation of suffering, when that suffering cannot be abated.

I’m sorry, Bib. I wish we’d realized sooner.

Target: 800 words
Written: 642 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: White Hot Truth, Danielle Laporte
Comics: The Untold Tales Of I Hate Fairyland 7-10
Music: Unknown Pleasures, Joy Division (I'm literally wearing a shirt based on this album cover right now, so you know, I'm good)

off the wagon

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Not in the alcoholic, drug way, but in the fuck me, I can’t get a thing done way.

Exhaustion is in; focus is out.

Universe, save me from myself. Save me from trials and tribulations.

Save me.

Save me.

Save me.

If you can’t tell, I’m working on a motif.

Target: 800 words
Written: 1371 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Grimmies
Comics: Image! 7-9, I Hate Fairyland v2 1
Music: Unknown Live Things, Sonic Youth

storm’s a-coming

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Picture that in Jasper’s voice from The Simpsons. There’s a big one coming tonight, which means no sleep again when Sofi loses her shit.

I need sleep. Desperately.

I’m so tired.

So tired of everything. And everyone.

Target: 800 words
Written: 559 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Grimms
Comics: Twig 4-5, Image! 5-6
Music: Live Things, Rolling Stones (so much Stones)

porch morning

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The last couple of days have been nice. Sunlight filtering in through the spider plants and and aloe, turning Mazy’s hair even more golden, somehow. It’s nice in the silence.

Then, of course, other people, dogs barking, cats freaking out and an inability to reach my coffee.

Still, all things considered… this or a war zone, it’s no contest.

I am not bereft of peace.

Target: 800 words
Written: 621 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Bros Grimm
Comics: The Me You Love In The Dark 5, Image! 1-2, Twig 1
Music: Live!  The Ramones!  Woo!

ride on

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I’m not ready for the forgiveness conversation. Not yet. I know what I want to say, up in the head, but for now, suffice it to say that a better slogan would be this:

Don’t ask permission; don’t need forgiveness.

Show us you’ve thought about the consequences of your actions. Show us you’ve thought about the people and world around you. And if the gatekeepers are still unfair, still blocking creation, still blocking joy or sustenance or the application of basic human decency, well, then, fuck ’em.

Fuck ’em all.

Target: 800 words
Written: 1633 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Brothers Grimm
Comics: The Me You Love In The Dark 1-4
Music: Even More Live Crap I Have Lying Around, Pearl Jam

friday, finally

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This weekend, we’ll dive deeper on the whole “ask forgiveness, not permission” thing, but for now, today, it’s migraine o’clock with a full work day ahead of me.

The seventh draft begins, like a seventh seal broken, and things can only go down from here.

Target: 800 words
Written: 259 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: Tao Te Ching (Ursula Leguin edition)
Comics: Middlewest 15-18
Music: Live Things, Nirvana

blood pressure

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I’ve been tracking my blood pressure for a bit now, trying to figure out if I’m about to have a stroke or an aneurysm or heart attack or something fun like that.

I’ve started noticing a rise whenever I’m in the office. I’m not eating differently, not really, so that’s not really a factor. If anything, because there’s more walking involved, I’m getting more exercise.

Is there an inherent level of stress involved in any work that isn’t soul work that automatically puts our health at risk?

I think we’d be hard pressed to say no.

Motherfuckers.

Target: 800 words
Written: 734 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: 'Salem's Lot, Stephen King
Comics: Middlewest 3-6
Music: Again With The Live Stuff, Iggy Pop

in office days

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They are the worst. There’s really no reason to be there. All it does is raise my tension levels, trigger my natural introvert’s social anxiety and make me work slower and worse.

I will not understand the reasons they want us to go in more often; the reason given was “camaraderie”, but fuck that. I’m not trading the peace and focus of quietude at home for a fucking high five from a co-worker.

Seriously. That was used as an example of why it’s worth coming into the office.

A fucking.

High.

Five.

Fuck that shit, Treasury Board. You’re either drunk, incompetent or power hungry.

None of these things qualify you for making decisions about other people’s lives.

If anything, they disqualify you.

Time to replace the leadership, methinks.

Target: 800 words
Written: 1230 words, novella: The Mungk

Read: 'Salem's Lot, Stephen King
Comics: I Hate Fairyland 19-20, Middlewest 1-2
Music: Live Shit, Green Day