Category: personal

on the verge

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Tomorrow, we start this back to office program. It’s only three days a week, but I’m not sure how that’s going to affect my writing schedule.

Weeks were I’m in now tend to be struggles to find time, because of the extra prep and travel time involved, but I had two weeks to catch up if things went off.

Now… every week, possibly three days where I’m having to get up earlier or stay up later or drop other things I need to do in order to keep up?

Or worse, postponing everything to try and shove them in Thursday or Friday, or that other time that we’re supposed to have time but don’t, a weekend?

I am fretting.

Yes. Fretting.

Okay, freaking out.

I want this life, and I’m tired of fighting myself for it; I certainly don’t need the rest of the world piling on.

The Mungk left me hopeless, fatalist.

Bad Neighbours only feeds my anger.

I don’t need any more anger.

I have always had more than enough.

Fuck.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 611 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Almayer's Folly, Joseph Conrad
Comics: Fear Agent 9-12
Music: Echoes - The Best Of Pink Floyd, Pink Floyd (no shit, for real)

light action

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Oh, it’s a day to play.

Or relax.

Or bust ass until there’s no time left.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 89 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Metrophage, Richard Kadrey
Comics: Fear Agent 1-4
Music: Echo & The Bunnymen Essentials, Echo & The Bunnymen (do echoes span days?)

last full week from home

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At least until I become a big, successful writer and people are watching The Mungk and Bad Neighbours on the screen (working title, of course, though I’m not sure what else to call it at this point. Shelley doesn’t seem right, and Lemon is the wrong focus).

Anyway, I’m going to try and enjoy that, at least, before everything gets fucked.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 2049 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Metrophage, Richard Kadrey
Comics: Fathom v8 1-4
Music: Easter, Patti Smith Group (certain people I feel in my soul; Lou Reed and Patti Smith are pretty close to the top of that list)

and we’re home

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What a fun weekend.

Parentals can be a bit much at times, but she’s a great kid.

One only hopes she stays that way as she gets older. After all, people change. They have trauma, their parents’ unintentional lessons start to sink in and then, boom, they either turn out just like them or they go the opposite direction.

Shit happens.

Stay crazy, little girl.

It’s the only way to survive.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1569 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Metrophage, Richard Kadrey
Comics: Aspen Visions: Fathom 1, Fathom v7 7-8, Aspen Visions: Soulfire 1
Music: East Side Story, Squeeze

babysittin’

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I fuckin’ love it. Man, this kid is fun. Hide-and-seek, bubble parties, mini-golf, beaver tails, iced cream and a dance recital.

We are packing it in today, son.

She’s going to crash so hard.

And so, probably, are we.

Good exhaustion is the best kind of exhaustion.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1340 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Comics: Fathom v7 4-6, Aspen Visions: Executive Assistant Iris 1
Music: Earthling, Eddie Vedder (oh no, albums named the same thing!)

happy anniversary

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Sixteen years married, and I don’t regret it. I may have a few nitpicks, but for the most part, we’ve had a decent life together.

We’ve travelled the world, had some pretty great sex at times, have a wonderful granddaughter together and we’ve managed to avoid the pitfall of most couples, where they base their relationships around the concepts of “my wife is a shrew/my husband’s a lazy, useless asshole”.

I’m kind of proud of that last one.

I mean, who the fuck wants their relationship to based on the sentiment of “Take my wife. Please.”

There’s probably worse things to base a relationship on (a mutual love of murder or shared enrolment in the Klan, for example), but there’s certainly not a worse concept that’s more common.

Anyway, happy anniversary, love.

Let’s keep seeing the world, and surrounding ourselves with better people.

Some of these people ain’t working.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1459 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Comics: Aspen Universe: Decimation 4, Fathom v7 1-3
Music: Earthling, David Bowie

day off

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I’m taking the day tomorrow. Mostly, because we’ve been asked to take care of our granddaughter for the day/weekend (yes, sir! No problem, sir!), but because I am spiralling. I’m really not in a good place for work.

I feel like I’m behind, overworked, disorganized, putting way too much personal pressure on myself to meet standards and targets, and that’s not just work.

It’s me, fucking myself up.

Self-destructing, as always, and wanting to scrap it all and start again.

But I’ve done that too often.

I’ve come too far and I’m out of time.

After all, Donald Trump’s fascist state may invade or bomb us at any time. The psycho’s capable of anything, if it feeds his sad, little ego.

So, yeah.

Taking the day tomorrow.

Fuck Donald Trump.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1106 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Comics: Fathom v6 8, Aspen Universe: Decimation 1-3
Music: The Early Year - Underpaid & Out Of Tune, Dropkick Murphys (fuckin' Dropkick, man, love 'em.)

happy birthday, sis

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Sly Stone dies and my sister lives another year. Good for her.

Not that she shouldn’t live another year. Like all the people I love, I hope she lives until I die, at least. After that, well, I hope for her sake she lives a long time, but hell, I’ll be dead. What would it matter to me?

Then again, there’s always reincarnation. Maybe I’ll come back as a vibrator.

Assuming I’m bought by a Hollywood starlet, that’d be cool, I guess.

Or a carrier of the Republican virus, in that it only targets individuals who voted Republican, and rewires their brains to be permanently set on Mr. Rogers.

Now, wouldn’t that be a nice cleanse?

Sometimes, I think the stars aligned and decided: there is something truly, profoundly wrong with this guy.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1715 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
Comics: Fathom v6 1-4
Music: Eagles Essentials, The Eagles

sly stone’s dead

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I’m not really sure what that means other than a continued reaffirmation of the cycle of life and death, or the misconception that I had that he was already dead.

Not that I’m the biggest fan of the Family Stone, but there was some good stuff.

Death in obscurity; life in obscurity.

Death in Cheers; everyone knows your name; in life, as well.

Which end of the scale? Do we all forget Angela Cartwright and her sister? Do you know her sister’s name?

Who ran IBM in the Seventies? Who stood in front of the tanks?

Whatever happened to P.J. Soles?

There’s a strong chance I’m losing it; obscurity within the family unit has me lost.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1510 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Blackbirds, Chuck Wendig
Comics: Aspen Universe: Revelations 2-5
Music: Izitso, Cat Stevens

what a nice day

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Sunday’s a shitshow, but beyond being caught in the midst of a quartet of bachelorette parties (which would normally be awesome, but I’m not twenty and single anymore, so it’s just annoying), it was a wonderful day.

Paglione’s was terrific, if expensive. Great pizza, great wine.

The dogs loved it.

and then, of course, Sunday.

We are forever at war, especially with ourselves.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 864 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Blackbirds, Chuck Wendig (this is so my style)
Comics: The Four Points 5, Fathom: Blue 5-6, Aspen Universe: Revelations 1
Music: Ixnay On The Hombre, The Offspring