every day something new

That used to be my motto for writing, or learning, exposure to different things, methods of storytelling, experiences, etc., but sometimes, it’s nice to fall into an old comfort.

Especially now, when you’re convinced you have bowel cancer or an impending appendix explosion, and the idiot doctor that just provided you with substandard care blew it off as gas.

Old comfort. New discomfort.

Familiar discomfort.

Crippling depression.

What’s old is new again. What’s new is ultimately old.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1248 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v4 2-4, Fathom: Blue Descent 4
Music: It's A Shame About Ray - Previously Unreleased Demos, Lemonheads

emergency room?

Yeah, right. I’ve been having pretty severe cramps every morning (and every once in a while we’re walking the dogs) for a couple of weeks now, so I figured it was time to see a doctor.

This “doctor”, who seemed far more interested in chatting up nurses than helping, does the laziest ultrasound ever, not even actually going over the sections that hurt the most, and then says, it’s gas. Take an extra acid reflux pill each day.

Fuck my life.

Why is it that someone like me, who spends so much time trying to be independent and so much time trying to make sure he’s there and doing the right things for others (and often failing), when he needs help, when he actually, finally, asks for help, the response is always from someone who couldn’t care less?

I’m so tired of being in the minority.

I’m so tired of being one of the few who actually wants to do right by others, even as I do wrong by myself.

And if you didn’t think I was an egotistical narcissist before and are thinking, well, duh, it’s your attitude bro, well, here’s your fucking moment.

My moment is doubled over with cramps.

If I die, I’m going total poltergeist on that doctor.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1200 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v3 9-10, Fathom: Blue Descent 0-1
Music: It's A Shame About Ray, Lemonheads (it sure is)

stolen away

How do entire days get stolen from one? I went to the clinic yesterday morning regarding stomach cramps I’ve had for a couple of weeks, but naturally, they had no power, so they were closed.

Fuck me, I guess.

That should have gained me a few hours of my life back, but somehow, even with the girls working until four o’clock, that meant I was forced into a number of chores I’d been hoping to avoid for a while.

So, here we are, having lost a whole weekend of good writing and reading and generally, time alone, to fucking crap that doesn’t really matter.

I like a nice lawn as well, but who really gives a shit?

Let the bees and the birds have it, and let them reclaim this world.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1097 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Thieves' World, Asprin/Abby/Anderson/Haldeman/Offutt/Bradley/Brunner/DeWees (what an accomplishment this is, an anthology in a shared world where, for the most part, things actually flow together fairly well, though Cappen Varra and Jamie the Red are a bit off, and Marion Zimmer Bradley's offering is disturbing given her personal life.)
Comics: Fathom v3 6-8, Aspen Seasons 4
Music: Itch, Radiohead

end me, week

I don’t think I’ve felt this down in a while. I feel like everything is collapsing, and my usual techniques are not up to par.

I am working on it.

Part of me wants to burn it all down and start over (a-fucking-gain), but I’ve come too far and have too little time left to begin again.

At this point, it’s finish the chore of living or give the whole thing up.

I’m not sure what’s worse – trying constantly to make it and failing, or not bothering with it at all.

At least I’d have more free time if I gave up, more time for my family.

But this is the driver; I feel like walking death when I don’t let it out.

Let it fucking out, or let them fucking in. I don’t know which one is worse.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1084 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Thieves' World, Assorted Authors
Comics: Fathom: Kiani 4, Fathom v3 0-1, Aspen Showcase: Aspen Matthews 1
Music: It All Seems So Silly In The Long Run, Sublime (doesn't it, though?)

ugh

Did I ever mention how much I hate being in the office, and of course, now, as of June 23rd, we’ll be going back there three days out of every freakin’ week.

This is really going to cut into my free time. The extra time garnered by not having to get ready and commute in the morning, make lunch, etc., etc., totals nearly an hour. I’m able to read more in the office, but that really doesn’t help with my writing.

I already get up at ten to five every day; am I going to need to get up at four?

Fuck my life.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 887 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: King Rat, China Mieville
Comics: Fathom: Cannon Hawke 5, Fathom v2 7-8, Aspen Seasons 3
Music: Is This It?, The Strokes (is it?)

victoria day

Congratulations, Victoria. You’ve managed to take the day off again this year. I wish I could.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1154 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: King Rat, China Mieville
Comics: Fathom: Cannon Hawke 3-4, Fathom v2 5-6
Music: Is This Desire?, PJ Harvey (for me, fuck yes. I adore PJ Harvey)

let’s do it

You know, as much as I disparage influencers as a vocation, it’s hard not to watch some of them being overtly sexual and think, man, I wonder what it’s like to live with no shame at all?

Like not in a bad way, but just in a fully aware, I’m selling my body for money, and I’m fine with that because, it’s online so no one actually has to touch me, and I make a mint from it. In this economy, get yours, right?

I know I’m too much of an introvert for that (but a year in Finland taught me to strip away the stigma of nudity – hard to worry about it when every party or function you go to, you end up naked in a sauna with half-a-dozen other people of varied ages, some of whom might be your best friends or the girl you’re super interested in, or a bunch of old geezers you just met).

Still, if I were young and attractive, why not? Especially as a woman. Own your shit, be comfortable in your skin, exploit those who think faces and bodies on the internet belong to them. They might get to ogle you from afar, but you’re the one with the Lambo and the regular trips to cool places, all over the world.

I mean, I’d like something a bit less obviously transactional, but the shame-free part? That’s all right.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1316 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
Comics: Fathom: Dawn Of War - Beginnings 1, Fathom 0.5, Michael Turner's Aspen 1-2
Music: Invisible Lantern, Screaming Trees (so underrated)

mother’s day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommies out there. My mom, also my wife, my sister-in-law, my daughter-in-law, fur baby mothers, Mazy and Sofi, also mothers in their own right, though their babies were long adopted before they got to us.

Anyone else know a mother in your extended circle of friends and family that tries to parse the Mother’s Day logic to eliminate as many other mothers as possible, so that they can feel justified in insisting that they are the only mother worth celebrating (except for the ones they don’t have to spend any time with or do anything for, so those ones are okay to be mothers of any kind – foster, step, adoptive, etc., because they aren’t interfering in the immediate Mother’s Day festivities)?

Yeah, me too. It’s weird, right?

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1246 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Gilded Age: A Tale Of Today (and hopefully, that's it), Twain and friend
Comics: Fathom Crossover Tour Book, Fathom 12, Fathom: Killian's Tide 1-2
Music: An Introduction To... Elliott Smith (fuck yes, also, by, you guessed it, Elliott Smith, comma, comma, comma)

parking lot

So there’s this parking lot, never more than half-full, that most of the workers in my building park in. Technically, I think we’re not supposed to, but come on. It’s attached to a mall that is barely hanging on. Indeed, the owners of said mall are trying desperately to push a plan through council to move the library and city hall there, so they can divest themselves of what I presume is a monstrous money pit that no one goes to, because it has nothing left in it.

Hence, the mostly empty parking lot. So, we at our office park there, instead of paying ridiculous prices for municipal parking or the monthly fee for the parking at our own building (for which there is a waiting list, and for me, with a big van and roof rack, essentially have no access to, because it’s a parking garage I can’t fit into). The parking lot at the mall is dilapidated, filled with potholes, and because it’s closer to our work, we park at the far end of it, so you know, taking up the least valuable spots in the lot.

Still, I gather the mall people don’t want us there, but because we’re not hampering customers, it doesn’t seem to be much of a priority.

Until Karen.

I pull in, from the back way, because it’s direct between my house and it (it doesn’t make sense to go around), and park. I notice on the way in that there’s a purple car circling the lot. It’s weird, and I know something’s up, but I’m not sure what, yet.

So, I get out of the car, grab my lunch, laptop bag and coffee. Before I can get two feet, this car wheels up, window down and the haggard, raw cheeked face of a woman who clearly has too much money and time on her hands rips up. She starts demanding if I work where I do, if I know this is a private lot, blah blah blah.

She points at the signs at the entrance, stating this is a private lot – signs at the main entrance, not the entrance I come through. I point that out, and she says, doesn’t matter, they’re still there. She does not like my question, asking her if she checks every entrance/exit from every building she goes into, just in case there’s signage telling her if a place is private or not. It’s a bit facetious on my part, but like, I get it. We aren’t supposed to be parking there. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal because again, the parking lot is never more than half-full, and no one has ever been denied a spot because of the low number of vehicles from us currently parking there.

Apparently, she disagrees, because it’s clear this has been a bug in her bonnet for some time, and leaves me with the impression that she probably doesn’t actually own the place, but her husband does (let’s just say the car isn’t super impressive, but her outfit and Gucci purse clearly are intended to send the signal that she’s a richie rich. That may not be true, but it’s just the impression I get – that she actually has no authority at all, except maybe tangentially, and her husband (or whoever), got sick of hearing her bitch about the public servants causing no one any harm parking in her husband’s lot, and so, he told her to go do something about it, but wouldn’t sanction any official actions, and she knew the city wouldn’t get involved and she can’t start towing people, so yeah.

Here we are. Angry, rich, white woman, probably pushed over the edge because Poilievre lost and she can’t feel free spew her anger and hatred over the world from a position of power and entitlement, yelling at, again, public servants, for doing something that yes, is technically not allowed, from a strict legal sense, but is really a grey area at best from a logical, ethical stance.

Listen, I don’t know her deal. Maybe she works for the mall and thought this was a better option than towing cars she wasn’t entirely certain belonged to public servants. Maybe she owns the mall (I thought it was a local businessman by the name of Dan, but I don’t really know). Maybe she’s just having a really bad day. Maybe us parking there is causing some kind of extra expense we’re not aware of (but given the poorly maintained level of the parking lot, I strongly suspect not).

Listen, except the cheap shot of noting the signs indicating private property weren’t posted at the secondary entrance, I was nice about it. She was the angry face yelling at a random stranger from the window of her car. I try not to be confrontational; I don’t feel it’s particularly conducive most of the time.

But you know what? Fuck it.

There’s so many people who just can’t be bothered to even pretend to be nice to people, despite having, at best, the flimsiest of pretexts for being an asshole.

I’m done with it.

In retrospect, I wish I’d filmed it, so I could post it on the local rant & rave and see if it went viral and thoroughly embarrassed her, although from experience, I tend to see these people double down, rather than learn anything.

But yeah. Getting yelled at by a random stranger over something that yes, technically, I’ve done wrong, but in reality, is so utterly petty and pointless?

It’s official. I’m done being nice to people being so clearly shitty.

I won’t be a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, but I’m not ignoring it or explaining it away. We can understand where the other person is coming from while not sanctioning it or allowing it to continue. I will no longer tolerate shitty behaviour directed toward me and mine by people who are old enough to know better.

Game. Fucking. On.

Pricks.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1275 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Veniss Underground, Jeff Vandermeer
Comics: Hawk And Dove 24-26, Hawk And Dove Annual 2 (ah, dreaded Armageddon, which killed one of my favourite titles when I was young, by virtue of DC panic over a leaked ending that would have made a lot more sense, and instead required them to pivot incoherently to using Hawk as the villain, ending this series in its infancy)
Music: International Superhits!, Green Day

rocky horror

I know, I know. Parking lot story.

Thoughts about my brain stuff.

F U Rat Ass Town.

It’s all coming, when I get time.

But tonight, it’s Rocky Horror, and well, since I’m still very much in lust with young Susan Sarandon, I had to go, and hope that the woman playing her is her equal (not to mention Magenta).

Columbia was never my jam.

(And of course, Tim Curry is everyone’s jam).

Target: 1200 words
Written: 919 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Veniss Underground, Jeff Vandermeer (body horror isn't ever really my thing, but body horror sci-fi that channels Lovecraft?  Pretty good.)
Comics: Hawk And Dove 20-23
Music: International Pop Overthrow, Material Issue