Not in the alcoholic, drug way, but in the fuck me, I can’t get a thing done way.
Exhaustion is in; focus is out.
Universe, save me from myself. Save me from trials and tribulations.
Save me.
Save me.
Save me.
If you can’t tell, I’m working on a motif.
Target: 800 words
Written: 1371 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Grimmies
Comics: Image! 7-9, I Hate Fairyland v2 1
Music: The Undiscovered Numbers And Colours, Foreign ObjectsPicture that in Jasper’s voice from The Simpsons. There’s a big one coming tonight, which means no sleep again when Sofi loses her shit.
I need sleep. Desperately.
I’m so tired.
So tired of everything. And everyone.
Target: 800 words
Written: 559 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Grimms
Comics: Twig 4-5, Image! 5-6
Music: Undisclosed Desires, Muse (apropos, I suppropose) <-- that's the staggering genius I'm talking about.Possibly the most brilliant song ever written.
Let that sink in.
There’s unexpected depth there, in addition to being very catchy. The interplay between the upset, relatively mindless work of the Beach Boys and the severe depression and mental illness of Brian Wilson?
Captured in song?
Brilliant.
Good Canadian Boys as well.
We love them.
Target: 800 words
Written: 660 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Grimm's Fairy Tales, Grimms
Comics: Twig 2-3, Image! 3-4
Music: The Undertones, The Undertones (Teenage Kicks, right through the night)I’ve been tracking my blood pressure for a bit now, trying to figure out if I’m about to have a stroke or an aneurysm or heart attack or something fun like that.
I’ve started noticing a rise whenever I’m in the office. I’m not eating differently, not really, so that’s not really a factor. If anything, because there’s more walking involved, I’m getting more exercise.
Is there an inherent level of stress involved in any work that isn’t soul work that automatically puts our health at risk?
I think we’d be hard pressed to say no.
Motherfuckers.
Target: 800 words
Written: 734 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: 'Salem's Lot, Stephen King
Comics: Middlewest 3-6
Music: Underclass Hero, Sum 41They are the worst. There’s really no reason to be there. All it does is raise my tension levels, trigger my natural introvert’s social anxiety and make me work slower and worse.
I will not understand the reasons they want us to go in more often; the reason given was “camaraderie”, but fuck that. I’m not trading the peace and focus of quietude at home for a fucking high five from a co-worker.
Seriously. That was used as an example of why it’s worth coming into the office.
A fucking.
High.
Five.
Fuck that shit, Treasury Board. You’re either drunk, incompetent or power hungry.
None of these things qualify you for making decisions about other people’s lives.
If anything, they disqualify you.
Time to replace the leadership, methinks.
Target: 800 words
Written: 1230 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: 'Salem's Lot, Stephen King
Comics: I Hate Fairyland 19-20, Middlewest 1-2
Music: Under The Covers, Red Hot Chili PeppersI’m looking forward to the end, I think. I don’t want it to come until I’ve met all my goals, but I think it might be a relief.
The hope is that I don’t lose the ability to do all this stuff before I go, or turn into some mediocre shade.
Or worse, give up.
Fuck suffering, fuck with a purpose. Endless pleasure and a cacophony of orgasm is the end goal, after we get through all the awkward and uncomfortable talk about whether it’s okay to kiss or hold hands.
We’ll get to the kink when it’s time to spice things up, I suppose.
Target: 800 words
Written: 191 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Brothers Of Earth, CJ Cherryh (I might even finish this, finally)
Comics: Bully Wars 5, I Hate Fairyland 1-3
Music: Unchained, Johnny CashPerhaps we could just do away with the whole work thing and just kind of live?
I know that’s not really practical if we want, you know, stuff and food and shit.
But maybe we could make it less horrible, so it’s, you know, less horrible.
Less life stealing.
More enjoyable.
Better.
Please make it better.
Perhaps if we remove the profit incentive and just focus on making cool stuff that’s actually useful and providing for our needs?
Target: 800 words
Written: 654 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Brothers Of Earth, CJ Cherryh (finally, a bit of progress - it should never have taken this long for a 250 page book)
Comics: Bully Wars 1-4
Music: Unbridled Funk And Roll 4 Your Soul! Red Hot Chili Peppers!Of course not. A week off, spent in a remote part of Ontario where relaxation should be the order of the day?
Not one second free.
Return home, with a day in between, so that we can decompress and get refocused for the return to work and drudgery?
Not one second free.
Not. Fucking. One.
I need a vacation from life.
Target: 800 words
Written: 1184 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Brothers Of Earth, CJ Cherryh
Comics: The Crow: Hark The Herald 1, The Crow: Lethe 1 (thank god after this they took it away from Seeley - Hack/Slash keeps inserting itself into my favourite books and it's annoying because he doesn't understand the characters he's borrowing)
Music: Ultramega OK, Soundgarden (that's me. Ultra-Mega-OK.)Would that I’d left myself in that water, feeling the cool glacial water lake seep into my bones, weighing me down and slowing pulling me into its depths.
I’ve never loved more and felt more torn away.
Interfered with.
Where is the peace that vacation used to be?
Where are the satoris, the relaxation that comes with not really having anything do in a lovely situation?
The afterglow?
Where’s my goddamned afterglow?
Target: 800 words
Written: 629 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Brothers Of Earth, CJ Cherryh
Comics: The Crow: Memento Mori 1-4
Music: Ultra Rare Trax, Volume 2, Lou Reed
Took a trip up to Haileybury, just for giggles and beer.
Not that we were booze cruising. I’m just an aficionado of food and drink, from greasy spoon to Michelin star, from lagers to merlot and back again to scotch and cigars.
I don’t know why. I know it’s all bad for you.
But not in moderation.
And in moderation, we do fine.
Of course, kimchi burger, a stout and later, a bison burger and an IPA may not be the moderation we seek.
Oh, well.
It could also be the coward’s method of self-harm. A slow motion death, in concert with the rest of the planet.
Anyway, it has been beautiful here, despite the family fights, the neighbour fights, the complete lack of downtime or quiet moments to read more than a handful of pages and constant activity in our cabin.
I want to walk into the woods and stay there, but I am ill prepared. I am no outdoorsman.
I wouldn’t last ten minutes.
Target: 800 words
Written: 865 words, novella: The Mungk
Read: Brothers Of Earth, CJ Cherryh
Comics: The Crow: Pestilence 1-4
Music: The Ultimate Tribute To Linkin Park, Various Artists (man, this Various Artists band gets around)