I wish it were possible, but I don’t feel like I could ever open up to a therapist.
I like the show though.
Harrison Ford is one of my spirit animals (we share a birthday… Patrick Stewart as well, which is equally cool).
(Also Julius Caesar and Cheech, so you know, pretty good crew.)
Target: 1500 words
Written: 1421 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: Call For The Dead, John Le Carre
Comics: WildC.A.T.S. 7-10
Music: November 15, 2006, The 9:30 Club, State RadioIt’s weird what a massive burden having a clear to do list on a regular basis can do for one.
Portugal (and subsequent crushing depression) really put me far back; being able to do some of the things I’ve pushed off from day to day feels really good. Like more relaxed.
Getting ahead.
Progressing.
Progress, not product, am I right? (First draft done.)
Target: 1500 words
Written: 2674 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: Liza Of Lambeth, W. Somerset Maugham
Comics: WildC.A.T.S. 0, WildC.A.T.S. Trilogy 1-2, WildC.A.T.S. Sourcebook 1
Music: November 22, 1989, Vienna, NirvanaI alone am sad.
I alone have a blank face, twisted in agony.
Sorry. Quoting Tao in reverse.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 2010 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: Planets, Carl Sagan (inspired by the return of Artemis II, watched the whole thing last night, so cool)
Comics: Team 7 v4 5-8
Music: October 8, 1989, Omaha, NirvanaI don’t know why I get this all the time. People seem to think I’m zen.
My response is usually, you don’t know me very well.
It’s not laidback; it’s defeat. It’s resignation.
It is surrender to hopelessness.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 2715 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: The Crime Studio, Steve Aylett
Comics: Gen 13 v4 33-36
Music: 80-85, Bad ReligionI don’t know why.
I just do.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 1919 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: The Legend Of Bagger Vance, Steven Pressfield
Comics: Gen 13 v4 29-32
Music: 75 Years Of Barbershop Quartet Champions, VariousHoly fuck. Couldn’t focus on anything at all today.
Failure of a day. Failure of a man.
I think maybe it’s time to go.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 878 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, J.K. (don't call me TERF) Rowling
Comics: Gen 13 v4 10-12, Gen 13: Armageddon 1
Music: 50 Cent Essentials, 50 CentI’m thinking about kindness today. It’s because I’m writing a book where it’s a large part of it, and while I need kindness to play a large role in my life and my person, I find I’m having difficulty tapping into it.
I think the past two-plus years of wallowing and anger have dulled my sense of compassion. I am an empathic being; I feel everything intensely. I am highly affected by other people’s moods.
But that makes me want to withdraw, not connect.
And what I need is connect.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 324 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: The Twenty-Seventh City, Jonathan Franzen
Comics: Gen 13 v2 26, Gen 13 Bootleg 16, Gen 12 1, Gen 13 Bootleg Annual 1
Music: 20 Years Of Hell, Vol I, Anti-Flag/World's Scariest Police Chases (they call him ROBOCOP)So. Goddamned. Tired.
How can this be a real world?
In what version of a divine being’s creation is this shit normal?
What kind of sick fuck would create something like this?
Only the cruel or the incompetent could build something so inherently awful.
Fuck you, God.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 2479 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: The Twenty-Seventh City, Jonathan Franzen
Comics: Gen 13 v2 25, Gen 13 Bootleg 14-15, Gen 13 Interactive Plus 3
Music: 2+2=5, RadioheadYesterday’s post was identifying where I’d examined previously. I cover lots of little things in my smaller works, but the big themes of my life, I try to save for the canon.
The Mungk was trauma/fatalism.
The Conflagration Of Boor And Aghast is about tribalism and the pointlessness of dualism with substance, subtlety and consequence.
Father Lightning? It’s not going to be a tale of woe; or rather, it is, but there is, as there should be in all great novels of fear, a sense of humanity.
Of kindness.
Compassion.
I spent nearly a year wallowing over the hopelessness of it all with The Mungk. I spent over a year mired in the politics of mutual hate with Boor & Aghast.
It’s time for some higher focus.
It’s time to focus on a little kindness. A little compassion.
it’s time to make the world a little better place. Rather than navelgazing and moaning into the void, or raging against everyone who doesn’t agree with my side in mutually assured destruction, I’m going to learn how to be nice.
It may take more effort than I’ve got.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 2506 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: A Vindication Of The Rights Of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft
Comics: Gen 13 v2 22-23, Gen 13 Bootleg 11-12
Music: February 22, 1994, Palaghiaccio, Rome, Nirvana (and thus ends, for now, my collection of Nirvana bootlegs)I tried to leave fatalism behind with The Mungk. The point of that book was an exploration of trauma and hopelessness; the point of The Conflagration Of Boor & Aghast was to explore the nature of unwinnable conflict.
(As well as offer a reminder that placating and avoiding the application of consequences, or the inequal application of consequences, leads to inevitable decline, abuses and ultimately, horror. The application of consequences is critical to both freedom and the suppression of would-be authoritarians.)
It is increasingly difficult to ignore that the United States is at the forefront of these two themes, mashed together into a nightmare of impending Armageddon.
All of which could be stopped by removal of one man.
Vladimir Putin (or by proxy, Trump).
This is your daily reminder that the enemy is not trans people, people of other colours, nationalities or gender, but rather, the ultra fucking rich.
THERE IS ONLY ONE ENEMY.
Remove them from power and guess what?
All of this shit goes away.
Target: 1500 words
Written: 143 words, novel: Father Lightning
Read: A Vindication Of The Rights Of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft
Comics: Gen 13/Generation X 1, Gen 13: The Unreal World 1, Gen 13 v2 21, Gen 13 Bootleg 10
Music: January 8, 1994, Seattle Centre Arena, Seattle, Disc 1-2, Nirvana