It’s over. Put me out of my misery.
Put us all out of our misery.
On the plus side, I found a good book, that’s really lighting up the old brain sockets.
That’s right.
Brain sockets.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 1115 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Joy, Osho
Comics: Strykeforce 2-5
Music: If You Want Blood, You've Got It, AC/DC (I will defend this choice to the death - for popcorn bands that are actually right into what they do and not just posturing, there's no band like them)It’s amazing how quickly one can go from totally caught up to completely off the rails.
I expected it when we go away next week for twelve days, but fuck.
The last three days have been a nightmare of busy with “not-my-own-shit” and everything went straight off the rails.
Why can’t people just leave me fucking be for once?
Target: 1100 words
Written: 1032 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force 31, Devil's Reign 0.5, 5-6
Music: If All Goes Wrong, Smashing Pumpkins (wow, just... wow. A handful of decent songs and some good points regarding the nature of artistic evolution and fandom, but the egos involved... just. Wow.)I guess it’s something I really don’t give a shit about, and I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with people who do care so deeply. Are they so insecure in themselves that they can only feel important by dropping the names of people they know or have tangential relationships which, most of which consisted of being in the same room and uttering a polite hello, if that?
Sometimes, it’s just in the same room and knowing the person’s name.
But, I mean, there’s a limit. When you’re throwing around local names like they’re big celebs, maybe you ought to consider that other people know these people. It ain’t that big of a town.
That one’s white trash. This one was a bully in high school. I applaud the work that one’s doing, but my experience *of years* with them is that they are a consummate complainer, more interested in tearing down than building up, and definitely overestimating their relative skillset.
I’ve never even heard of that one, so why do you think it’s important that I know it and conflate this complete unknown’s relative “importance” with you?
Anyway, status, status, status… what’s the point? Spending so much time on it only makes you look desperate and kind of pathetic, and lowers any status or reputation you might have.
I’m certainly no paragon, and I have many, many (oh my god, so many) faults, but one thing I will give myself is that I have no interest in status. When I was younger, sure, I inflated my ego with bullshit stories to feel better about my importance in the world, but now that I’m older, have been through shit, and thoroughly tore myself down, man, who has time for that shit?
And at our age?
Life’s too short for the front.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 2124 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs
Comics: Cyber Force v2 26-29
Music: I'd Rather Be In Japan!!!, Anti-Flag/ObnoxiousI feel like I’m going through one right now.
And I literally went through one this morning.
I am trying not to give up, but damn. It’s so hard.
I can’t even bring myself to submit anywhere. Even though every single thing I’ve ever written has been accepted and published somewhere, since I first decided to start sending them out (minus comics – I don’t have an artist to work with and the one with whom I’ve considered working in the past – whose style is ideal for Romance #1, is entirely unreliable), I can’t bring myself to do it.
I worry.
Get Back Again was banned for, you know, being told from the bad guy’s point of view, and since that view was super misogynist, it was considered ban-worthy. Like, have these people ever read fiction?
Good fiction doesn’t insist all their villains act like good people.
It’s kind of the whole point.
Anyway, fuck it.
Who wants some?
Target: 1100 words
Written: 1050 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 16, Cyber Force Origins 3, Ballistic 3, Velocity 1
Music: I Should Coco, SupergrassDog nails trimmed.
That’s the best I can do today.
Fuck it.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 2222 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 15, Codename Strykeforce 14, Ballistic 1, Cyber Force & Codename Strykeforce - Opposing Forces 1 (forces of forces of forces of forces of wait, what? Vampires? What the F, Ballistic?)
Music: I Palindrome I, They Might Be GiantsI mean, I guess it’s worthwhile to go. I always make a point of it, but when literally no one you know or have heard of can defend or wants Doug Ford (and you know there must be people out there), you have to wonder how legit these wins are.
Low voter turnout, the surprise, unnecessary election to ensure he can “deal” with Trump.
I mean, bullshit. This guy is a bird of a feather with those assholes.
He’ll sell us out in a heartbeat if it means more slush money for him and his developer cronies.
Man, am I ever tired of corruption and stupidity. Am I ever tired of lies and flagrant disregard for the responsibility of being of service.
Because that’s what you’re supposed to be – a servant.
You’re in government because you want to help. You want to be of service.
You want to make the world a better place.
But these fucking Cons, man. They are a con.
All they give a shit about is lining their own pockets at our expense, and/or getting as much power as they possibly can.
What pieces of fucking shit.
Here’s to revolution, sooner rather than later.
Fuck ’em.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 3185 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Trust Me, I'm Lying, Ryan Holiday
Comics: Codename Strykeforce 2-3, Cyber Force 4-5
Music: NYPD Blue Soundtrack, Various (I mean, how the fuck did this happen? And why is everything awful today?)It makes a good plot device, and in real life, is entirely unavoidable. As much as we’d like to eliminate conflict, the best I think we can do is minimize its impact on us, which means learning how best to handle it.
I’m filled with conflict these days – my desire to fight oppression, my desire to avoid people who suck, my own internal resistance to doing what it will take to actually take all these thoughts and dreams in my head and start shaping the world to them, instead of the other way around.
Then again, the Tao teaches doing-not-doing, so forcing the world into a shape it cannot be may be counterproductive.
Would that those would not listen break, and find the plugs in their mind falling free.
Would that we all fall free.
Would that we all love.
Would that, would that.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 1733 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Proof Of Collusion, Seth Abramson
Comics: Shadownhawk 0, Shadowhawk v4 13-15
Music: Acoustic Stuff, Stone Temple PilotsFuck it. Fuck it like it’s some kind of hole.
Because it is.
A fucking pit.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 1056 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: The Natural Navigator, Tristan Gooley
Comics: Friends Of Maxx 3, The Maxx 29-31
Music: No Surprises/Running From Demons, RadioheadI miss the comfort in being sad, as Kurt Cobain once opined.
Being sad is bad. But it’s better than in a constant of conflict. One can accept sadness as it is, live in it, find one’s way through it.
Conflict for the sake of conflict?
It’s going to be a tough go while I’m working at Bad Neighbours and it’s the constant contemplation of the incompatibility of viewpoints, left and right, and the futility of anger.
The inability of consequence. The pure rage of missing justice.
The absence of karma, or rather, its lethargic, procrastinating nature.
It may come around, but when? And how fucking long?
Quite frankly, too many assholes have died peacefully in their sleep on top of their piles of money, surrounded by a beautiful wife, successful children and a mistress with glittery fake boobs.
Karma does not reward waiting.
Justice is not automatic.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 920 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Amatka, Karin Tidbeck
Comics: The Maxx 20-22, Gen13/Maxx 1
Music: No Security, The Rolling StonesI’m doing it again. I feel like giving up, starting over, losing more time, more years, more precious life force, precious focus.
Christ, at this point, maybe heaven’s a better option. Or would be, if I believed in an afterlife.
In any just afterlife, we’d spend eternity finding out all the things we’d ever wanted to know, to experience all the things we ever wanted to experience, to be all the people we ever wanted to be, to relive moments of our lives in as many permutations as we choose, to see what it really would have felt like to take that stand, to try that thing, to make that move on someone special.
Much of it would be unpleasant, but without the endless self-deception, with the ability to try again and learn and grow and be better, what would there be to lose?
Lifetimes lived in an instant. Fantastical trips beyond imagination. Relationships won and lost, friendships gained, battles fought, tyrants brought low by our actions. Our dedication.
Of course, that’s speculation.
But to attempt to live life as it is, good and bad, filled with glory and tragedy, joy and pain, fully engaged with it, stripping away all our blinders?
We may have a limited amount of time to do it in, but it’s still worth the trip.
Target: 1100 words
Written: 1581 words, novel: Bad Neighbours
Read: Ready Player One, Ernest Cline
Comics: The Maxx 8-11
Music: No Line On The Horizon, U2