Category: health

praying

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I don’t believe in God, and the fact that Trump got back in and there’s still a significant portion of the population that supports him has me questioning humanity, but it’s election day, and I can only ask the universe to do something just for once, instead of just repeatedly indicating we’re actually in hell, but it’s not fire and brimstone, it’s just a slow descent into hopelessness, where every avenue gets blocked, every bit of optimism or glimmer of encouragement is choked off, until we all just say, fuck it, it’s too much, and write monstrous run-on sentences on our blogs before giving up completely and laying down to await the crush of our bodies beneath the tanks of bigotry, hatred and greed.

As you can tell, I’m having a good day, fighting my brain and trying to hold on to some slender sliver of hope, even as I jump to conclusions about the inevitable.

Sorry. I’m a real bummer, and I’m tired of the fight.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 739 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe (the bleakness of this, admittedly very well written book is not helping)
Comics: Hawk And Dove v2 5-8 (even here, the spectre of right versus left, liberal vs con, looms large)
Music: Instrument Soundtrack, Fugazi

the return

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There’s a long day of flying coming, but at least I learned something on this trip.

I am out of fucking shape.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1058 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Melusine, Sarah Monette (god, I wanted to like this, so much possibility, but so many loose ends and too many anachronisms - like it just needed to go back in the oven for a bit to be truly cooked through)
Comics: Hit-Girl 5, Kick-Ass v2 1-3
Music: In Rainbows, Radiohead

off the rails

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It’s amazing how quickly one can go from totally caught up to completely off the rails.

I expected it when we go away next week for twelve days, but fuck.

The last three days have been a nightmare of busy with “not-my-own-shit” and everything went straight off the rails.

Why can’t people just leave me fucking be for once?

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1032 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force 31, Devil's Reign 0.5, 5-6
Music: If All Goes Wrong, Smashing Pumpkins (wow, just... wow. A handful of decent songs and some good points regarding the nature of artistic evolution and fandom, but the egos involved... just. Wow.)

morning clinic

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Well, since my doctor retired and Doug Ford fucked up the healthcare system and it’s a goddamn three year wait for a new one, I guess it’s off to the clinic for a renewal of all my drugs.

Wonderful.

Fucking. Wonderful.

What a waste of a Saturday morning.

Eat shit, Dougie.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 92 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children
Comics: Cyber Force v2 24-25, Ripclaw v2 6, Cyber Force Annual 2
Music: Icky Thump, White Stripes (had to get the taste of A Moment In Time out of my mouth)

heart tests

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I feel like I’m going through one right now.

And I literally went through one this morning.

I am trying not to give up, but damn. It’s so hard.

I can’t even bring myself to submit anywhere. Even though every single thing I’ve ever written has been accepted and published somewhere, since I first decided to start sending them out (minus comics – I don’t have an artist to work with and the one with whom I’ve considered working in the past – whose style is ideal for Romance #1, is entirely unreliable), I can’t bring myself to do it.

I worry.

Get Back Again was banned for, you know, being told from the bad guy’s point of view, and since that view was super misogynist, it was considered ban-worthy. Like, have these people ever read fiction?

Good fiction doesn’t insist all their villains act like good people.

It’s kind of the whole point.

Anyway, fuck it.

Who wants some?

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1050 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 16, Cyber Force Origins 3, Ballistic 3, Velocity 1
Music: I Should Coco, Supergrass

the return

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Fun weekend. Maple farm, sugar shack, Mexican food.

Diarrhea.

Shit.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 165 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Trust Me, I'm Lying, Ryan Holiday
Comics: Cyber Force v2 7-8, Codename Strykeforce 7-8
Music: I Fought The Law, Green Day

well, that was a wash

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I tried to get my blood pressure stuff updated, but man, those online doctors are useless.

They’re nice enough, but they can do nothing for you.

So, I spent the day getting my van maintenanced instead. I tried the “walk-in” heart health clinic, but that appears to be a wash as well.

Fuck me.

I do not want to sit at the clinic for twelve hours.

Fucking Doug Ford.

Fucking Conservatives.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 148 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Lost City Of Z, David Grann
Comics: Cyber Force v2 2-3, Codename Strykeforce 1, Cyber Force & WildC.A.T.S. - Killer Instinct 3
Music: NWA Greatest Hits, NWA (fuck 'em, right?)

off day

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I’m taking the day.

It’s all been a bit much lately; it seems like everyone and everything is at odds.

Plus, I need an oil change, tire rotation and blood pressure medication renewal, so that means clinics and garages and money I don’t have.

Fuck.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 152 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Lost City Of Z, David Grann
Comics: Cyber Force 0, Cyber Force/WildC.A.T.S. - Killer Instinct 1-2, Cyber Force v2 1
Music: Nurse, Sonic Youth

so i went off the drugs

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For a couple of days to see if that would clear up the insane and near constant bouts of lightheadedness I was getting, having eliminated so many other possibilities over the past six months.

And it worked.

Unfortunately, my blood pressure skyrocketed, settling into a cool 150/95 throughout the whole day yesterday. At that rate, it’s headaches and head rushes anyway, so I’m back on the drugs and I’m down to a more manageable 130/85 or thereabouts.

It sucks not having a doctor, so I guess it’s time to book a visit to the clinic, and see what I can do about switching things up, because this sucks.

Sucks hard.

And not in the way you’d like it to suck.

That way’s actually fun.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 371 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson
Comics: New Shadowhawk 6-7, Shadowhunt 1-2
Music: Not The Actual Events, Nine Inch Nails

dogsittin’

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In the midst of an experiment in which I’m testing whether it’s my medication that’s making me so lightheaded, feeling so shitty.

It’s not working well.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 81 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Proof Of Collusion, Seth Abramson (nice to fill in the details on what we already knew; too bad about his sense of optimism at the end.  Like Republicans were ever going to hold him or any one of them accountable, the corrupt, grifting, wannabe fascists)
Comics: New Shadowhawk 3-5, Shadowhawks Of Legends 1
Music: A Northern Soul, The Verve (so good)