well, that was a wash

I tried to get my blood pressure stuff updated, but man, those online doctors are useless.

They’re nice enough, but they can do nothing for you.

So, I spent the day getting my van maintenanced instead. I tried the “walk-in” heart health clinic, but that appears to be a wash as well.

Fuck me.

I do not want to sit at the clinic for twelve hours.

Fucking Doug Ford.

Fucking Conservatives.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 148 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Lost City Of Z, David Grann
Comics: Cyber Force v2 2-3, Codename Strykeforce 1, Cyber Force & WildC.A.T.S. - Killer Instinct 3
Music: NWA Greatest Hits, NWA (fuck 'em, right?)

off day

I’m taking the day.

It’s all been a bit much lately; it seems like everyone and everything is at odds.

Plus, I need an oil change, tire rotation and blood pressure medication renewal, so that means clinics and garages and money I don’t have.

Fuck.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 152 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Lost City Of Z, David Grann
Comics: Cyber Force 0, Cyber Force/WildC.A.T.S. - Killer Instinct 1-2, Cyber Force v2 1
Music: Nurse, Sonic Youth

so i went off the drugs

For a couple of days to see if that would clear up the insane and near constant bouts of lightheadedness I was getting, having eliminated so many other possibilities over the past six months.

And it worked.

Unfortunately, my blood pressure skyrocketed, settling into a cool 150/95 throughout the whole day yesterday. At that rate, it’s headaches and head rushes anyway, so I’m back on the drugs and I’m down to a more manageable 130/85 or thereabouts.

It sucks not having a doctor, so I guess it’s time to book a visit to the clinic, and see what I can do about switching things up, because this sucks.

Sucks hard.

And not in the way you’d like it to suck.

That way’s actually fun.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 371 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson
Comics: New Shadowhawk 6-7, Shadowhunt 1-2
Music: Not The Actual Events, Nine Inch Nails

dogsittin’

In the midst of an experiment in which I’m testing whether it’s my medication that’s making me so lightheaded, feeling so shitty.

It’s not working well.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 81 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Proof Of Collusion, Seth Abramson (nice to fill in the details on what we already knew; too bad about his sense of optimism at the end.  Like Republicans were ever going to hold him or any one of them accountable, the corrupt, grifting, wannabe fascists)
Comics: New Shadowhawk 3-5, Shadowhawks Of Legends 1
Music: A Northern Soul, The Verve (so good)

trying for better

It’s been a tough week. It probably sounds like whining (and it is, to an extent, because I’m not the one with the broken wrist), but man, picking up the slack this week has thrown me right off.

Our chores are usually split; adding three-quarters of what someone else does to maintain our daily lives on top of an already decent load?

It’s a lot.

It does make you appreciate what the other person does, I’ll tell you that.

Free time is over, at least for the next few weeks.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 259 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Personal MBA, Josh Kaufman
Comics: Batman/The Maxx: Arkham Dreams 2-5
Music: No, Virginia, The Dresden Dolls

busted shoulder

I’m falling apart. Ironically, it’s not the one I slipped and banged yesterday. It’s the one I got massaged, which may have actually made it worse.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 739 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Natural Navigator, Tristan Gooley
Comics: The Maxx 32-34, Altered Image 1
Music: No Thanks! The 70s Punk Rebellion, Various

black ice

Well, that was a fun day. Started well enough; turkey in the oven, potatoes scraped and cut and ready to be mashed, Groundhog Day queued up on Prime…

Then we took the dogs for a walk.

We should have turned back when we first started slipping, but no, we’re idiots, so we continued and sure enough, a fall turns to a hospital trip and a broken wrist.

The state of health care in this province is disgusting. I’m glad Doug Ford called an early election, so I can give him a big old middle finger on the ballot.

Cons, man. Describes them perfectly.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 273 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Natural Navigator, Tristan Gooley
Comics: The Maxx 26-28, Friends Of Maxx 2
Music: No Surprises, Radiohead (one of my all time favourites)

blood attack

Hit 161/107 last night.

That ain’t great.

It’s come down a bit since, but it’s still rollin’.

Pounding headache, all it would take it one spike for brain death.

I don’t want to die. Not yet.

I would like this to stop.

I’m eating better. Exercising. And it’s getting worse.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 920 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Amatka, Karin Tidbeck
Comics: The Maxx 16-19
Music: No Reason To Complain, Patton Oswalt

regrets

I’m thinking a lot about what’s evil and what is not.

I’ve just written a four issue comic series, a western based on revenge, which begins typically enough for the kind of spaghetti western I’m basing it on, but takes a wild turn at the end of the first issue (unrevealed future plot twist).

I’m a little worried it pushes me into territory I’m not comfortable representing.

That is, like Get Back Again, I’m concerned some right wing fuck is going to take it and construe it as pro-bigotry or worse, in this case, pro-life.

But that’s not what it’s about (and I’m very pro-choice); it’s similar to The Mungk in that it’s about trauma, and how it can shape us for the worse, until the evil that’s been done to us becomes us abusing ourselves, and maybe others, in ways we never would otherwise.

It’s also about whether evil can be used for good, sometimes?

It’s about guilt and remorse and self-hatred.

Because listen, I know more than a few women who’ve been through it, and despite what the right wing would have you think, most of them did not behave as though they were tossing a used Kleenex.

Most of them were genuinely distressed, upset, even traumatized by it. Not one of them didn’t have strong feelings about it, even if they didn’t want to say it out loud. It was clearly visible on their face and in their eyes.

The other thing that I know about it is that not one of them has ever said they would make a different choice. They don’t regret the choice, even if there’s still remorse.

Like putting down a terminally ill pet; it sucks, you hate it, it makes you weep for days, but even years later, if asked, you’ll say it was the right thing to do.

Anyway, thoughts and feelings on this day; I can’t imagine what the poor women go through.

Even if this case, it’s a little more… extreme.

Target: 1000 words
Written: 720 words, comic: Western Cradle #4

Read: Tropic Of Kansas, Christopher Brown
Comics: Preacher 57-59, Preacher: Tall In The Saddle 1
Music: Nimrod, Green Day