Category: personal

dead to the world

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I wish.

Nope, naturally, because I took the day off to recover from a highly energetic and busy vacation (from my absurdly busy life), everyone fucking needs me.

I don’t know how, but over the past year or two, it has just turned more and more insane with each passing month.

How do I claw my time back?

I say no to fucking everything.

The problem is, I keep running into things I cannot say no to, or other people fucking commit me without my input, and here we fucking are.

Fuck.

Great vacation. Next time, I’m going to go live in a goddamn cottage in the forest with no other people in sight.

Shit, I may just go live there full time.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1719 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: The Last Wish, Andrzej Sapkowski
Comics: Kick-Ass v2 4-7
Music: The In Sound From Way Out!, Beastie Boys

getting out

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Of town, tomorrow.

Today, that means the litany of last minute things we need to do for the friend sitting our house and dogs, for ourselves, for the things we need to be ready or to come with us, for our animals, who we will miss terribly and want to have a few precious moments with each (and when you have four cats and two dogs, that can be time-consuming) before we leave, in case the worst happens.

The worst never quite seems to happen, except in America.

Where exist authoritarians, the worst is always yet to come.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 2399 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Adam Bede, George Eliot
Comics: Cyber Force/Hunter Killer 3-5, Velocity v3 1
Music: Imagine (The Ultimate Collection), John Lennon (imagine I had a better life, a better outlook, more skill, the whole package)

lost day

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Well, not technically. I actually got quite a bit done, but ran out of time for this.

Instead, I got a tandem haircut, my wife and niece tag teaming to clean up the frump that’s grown up over the past few months.

Would that I could let it grow, but I’m an old man now, and it would just be weird.

Long hair is a young man’s game, unless you’re Willie Nelson.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 533 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Adam Bede, George Eliot
Comics: Fusion 2-3, Cyber Force/Hunter KIller 1-2
Music: I'm With You, Red Hot Chili Peppers

thinking a lot about sex today

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Not because I need to get some (I do) or that I’m particularly feeling my oats (I am), but that’s mostly because for the first time, I’m writing a sex scene.

(Well, not the first time, but the first time in canon. I alluded to the father’s use of a late night laptop session in The Mungk, and a couple of the short stories referenced sex – Get Back Again’s misogynist ghost threatening/chastising his murderer with abuse/promiscuity, Forest Edge’s main victim being a prostitute, its villain getting what comes to him at the hands of the prostitute’s best friend after being seduced, oh, and Western Cradle, which deals almost exclusively with a woman’s revenge for the murder of her family and her own gang rape).

Okay, well, then, this is the first time in canon, and also, the first time where the character is engaged in a consensual act that they really have no love for.

It’s something I would do without hesitation, and would hope my partner is open enough to find fun and sexy, but Walter, the main… he’s a little repressed. Actually, a lot repressed.

And so, this is hard for me to write, because I don’t have a lot of boundaries, and it’s difficult for me to get into the mindset of someone who does. For me, it’s no big deal; it’s play.

For others, it’s world shattering.

For me, it’s fun; for Walter, it’s disgusting (hygienically and morally).

And believe me, we aren’t talking anything that weird here.

You’ll see when it’s all done.

When it finally comes out.

When any of this comes out.

Most of it has gone nowhere.

I might be getting a little stale.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 685 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Adam Bede, George Eliot
Comics: Cyber Force v3 4-6, Cyber Force & X-Men 1
Music: II, Presidents Of The United States Of America

the end of a fucking week

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It’s over. Put me out of my misery.

Put us all out of our misery.

On the plus side, I found a good book, that’s really lighting up the old brain sockets.

That’s right.

Brain sockets.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1115 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Joy, Osho
Comics: Strykeforce 2-5
Music: If You Want Blood, You've Got It, AC/DC (I will defend this choice to the death - for popcorn bands that are actually right into what they do and not just posturing, there's no band like them)

sometimes it throws a bone

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I was busy as fuck today, or rather, given a lot of work to do, but as luck would have it, most of it went way quicker than expected.

The good news is that probably helped me boost my stats (not that my stats need to be particularly boosted), but it also meant that I could exceed my average and claw back some downtime, which allowed me to knock out some stuff I wanted to do that was non-work related (at least, not other people’s work) and catch up, ever so slightly.

Sometimes, life can be alright, am I right?

Until other people come along, and then it’s a fuck.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 165 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force v2 34-35, Strykeforce 1, Cyber Force & JLA 1
Music: If I Should Fall From Grace With God, The Pogues

derailed

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Same again, same again.

How does this happen? Who’s fucking my day up?

Why is going to the office a thing?

Christ, I get so much more done, for them and for me, when I’m not there.

Enough already.

Give me a fucking break.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1797 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Devi's Reign 7-8, Cyber Force v2 32-33
Music: If All Goes Wrong - Fillmore Residency Concert, Smashing Pumpkins

off the rails

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It’s amazing how quickly one can go from totally caught up to completely off the rails.

I expected it when we go away next week for twelve days, but fuck.

The last three days have been a nightmare of busy with “not-my-own-shit” and everything went straight off the rails.

Why can’t people just leave me fucking be for once?

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1032 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force 31, Devil's Reign 0.5, 5-6
Music: If All Goes Wrong, Smashing Pumpkins (wow, just... wow. A handful of decent songs and some good points regarding the nature of artistic evolution and fandom, but the egos involved... just. Wow.)

st. wife’s birthday

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At first, I thought it would be cool, like it was a sign my wife was born on St. Patty’s, but over the years, it’s just allowed me to be less of a drunk idiot on this day, and more of an attentive husband.

I resented it at first, because I love a good party, but the older I get, the more a drink is just a nice thing to relax with, or to pair with dinner. A celebration of milestones.

And it pretty much maxes out at two, on special occasions.

Gently toasted, not lit, is the maximum for me these days, so today, happy birthday, beautiful lady.

I’m very glad we found each other, and I’m sorry you’re doing all this one-handed.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 172 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Devil's Reign 2-4, Cyber Force v2 30
Music: The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw And The Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do, Fiona Apple (love her to death, but damn, lady. Your album titles need editing.)

on status

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I guess it’s something I really don’t give a shit about, and I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with people who do care so deeply. Are they so insecure in themselves that they can only feel important by dropping the names of people they know or have tangential relationships which, most of which consisted of being in the same room and uttering a polite hello, if that?

Sometimes, it’s just in the same room and knowing the person’s name.

But, I mean, there’s a limit. When you’re throwing around local names like they’re big celebs, maybe you ought to consider that other people know these people. It ain’t that big of a town.

That one’s white trash. This one was a bully in high school. I applaud the work that one’s doing, but my experience *of years* with them is that they are a consummate complainer, more interested in tearing down than building up, and definitely overestimating their relative skillset.

I’ve never even heard of that one, so why do you think it’s important that I know it and conflate this complete unknown’s relative “importance” with you?

Anyway, status, status, status… what’s the point? Spending so much time on it only makes you look desperate and kind of pathetic, and lowers any status or reputation you might have.

I’m certainly no paragon, and I have many, many (oh my god, so many) faults, but one thing I will give myself is that I have no interest in status. When I was younger, sure, I inflated my ego with bullshit stories to feel better about my importance in the world, but now that I’m older, have been through shit, and thoroughly tore myself down, man, who has time for that shit?

And at our age?

Life’s too short for the front.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 2124 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs
Comics: Cyber Force v2 26-29
Music: I'd Rather Be In Japan!!!, Anti-Flag/Obnoxious