every day something new

That used to be my motto for writing, or learning, exposure to different things, methods of storytelling, experiences, etc., but sometimes, it’s nice to fall into an old comfort.

Especially now, when you’re convinced you have bowel cancer or an impending appendix explosion, and the idiot doctor that just provided you with substandard care blew it off as gas.

Old comfort. New discomfort.

Familiar discomfort.

Crippling depression.

What’s old is new again. What’s new is ultimately old.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1248 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v4 2-4, Fathom: Blue Descent 4
Music: Empty Glass, Pete Townshend

emergency room?

Yeah, right. I’ve been having pretty severe cramps every morning (and every once in a while we’re walking the dogs) for a couple of weeks now, so I figured it was time to see a doctor.

This “doctor”, who seemed far more interested in chatting up nurses than helping, does the laziest ultrasound ever, not even actually going over the sections that hurt the most, and then says, it’s gas. Take an extra acid reflux pill each day.

Fuck my life.

Why is it that someone like me, who spends so much time trying to be independent and so much time trying to make sure he’s there and doing the right things for others (and often failing), when he needs help, when he actually, finally, asks for help, the response is always from someone who couldn’t care less?

I’m so tired of being in the minority.

I’m so tired of being one of the few who actually wants to do right by others, even as I do wrong by myself.

And if you didn’t think I was an egotistical narcissist before and are thinking, well, duh, it’s your attitude bro, well, here’s your fucking moment.

My moment is doubled over with cramps.

If I die, I’m going total poltergeist on that doctor.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1200 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Pawn's Dream, Eric Nylund
Comics: Fathom v3 9-10, Fathom: Blue Descent 0-1
Music: Emotional Rescue, The Rolling Stones

parking lot

So there’s this parking lot, never more than half-full, that most of the workers in my building park in. Technically, I think we’re not supposed to, but come on. It’s attached to a mall that is barely hanging on. Indeed, the owners of said mall are trying desperately to push a plan through council to move the library and city hall there, so they can divest themselves of what I presume is a monstrous money sink that no one goes to, because it has nothing left in it.

Hence, the mostly empty parking lot. So, we at our office park there, instead of paying ridiculous prices for municipal parking or the monthly fee for the parking at our own building (for which there is a waiting list, and for me, with a big van and roof rack, essentially have no access to, because it’s a parking garage I can’t fit into). The parking lot at the mall is dilapidated, filled with potholes, and because it’s closer to our work, we park at the far end of it, so you know, taking up the least valuable spots in the lot.

Still, I gather the mall people don’t want us there, but because we’re not hampering customers, it doesn’t seem to be much of a priority.

Until Karen.

I pull in, from the back way, because it’s direct between my house and it (it doesn’t make sense to go around), and park. I notice on the way in that there’s a purple car circling the lot. It’s weird, and I know something’s up, but I’m not sure what, yet.

So, I get out of the car, grab my lunch, laptop bag and coffee. Before I can get two feet, this car wheels up, window down and the haggard, raw cheeked face of a woman who clearly has too much money and time on her hands rips up. She starts demanding if I work where I do, if I know this is a private lot, blah blah blah.

She points at the signs at the entrance, stating this is a private lot – signs at the main entrance, not the entrance I come through. I point that out, and she says, doesn’t matter, they’re still there. She does not like my question, asking her if she checks every entrance/exit from every building she goes into, just in case there’s signage telling her if a place is private or not. It’s a bit facetious on my part, but like, I get it. We aren’t supposed to be parking there. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal because again, the parking lot is never more than half-full, and no one has ever been denied a spot because of the low number of vehicles from us currently parking there.

Apparently, she disagrees, because it’s clear this has been a bug in her bonnet for some time, and leaves me with the impression that she probably doesn’t actually own the place, but her husband does (let’s just say the car isn’t super impressive, but her outfit and Guess purse clearly are intended to send the signal that she’s a richie rich. That may not be true, but it’s just the impression I get – that she actually has no authority at all, except maybe tangentially, and her husband (or whoever), got sick of hearing her bitch about the public servants causing no one any harm parking in her husband’s lot, and so, he told her to go do something about it, but wouldn’t sanction any official actions, and she knew the city wouldn’t get involved and she can’t start towing people, so yeah.

Here we are. Angry, rich, white woman, probably pushed over the edge because Poilievre lost and she can’t feel free spew her anger and hatred over the world from a position of power and entitlement, yelling at, again, public servants, for doing something that yes, is technically not allowed, from a strict legal sense, but is really a grey area at best from a logical, ethical stance.

Listen, I don’t know her deal. Maybe she works for the mall and thought this was a better option than towing cars she wasn’t entirely certain belonged to public servants. Maybe she owns the mall (I thought it was a local businessman by the name of Dan, but I don’t really know). Maybe she’s just having a really bad day. Maybe us parking there is causing some kind of extra expense we’re not aware of (but given the poorly maintained level of the parking lot, I strongly suspect not).

Listen, except the cheap shot of noting the signs indicating private property weren’t posted at the secondary entrance, I was nice about it. She was the angry face yelling at a random stranger from the window of her car. I try not to be confrontational; I don’t feel it’s particularly conducive most of the time.

But you know what? Fuck it.

There’s so many people who just can’t be bothered to even pretend to be nice to people, despite having, at best, the flimsiest of pretexts for being an asshole.

I’m done with it.

In retrospect, I wish I’d filmed it, so I could post it on the local rant & rave and see if it went viral and thoroughly embarrassed her, although from experience, I tend to see these people double down, rather than learn anything.

But yeah. Getting yelled at by a random stranger over something that yes, technically, I’ve done wrong, but in reality, is so utterly petty and pointless?

It’s official. I’m done being nice to people being so clearly shitty.

I won’t be a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, but I’m not ignoring it or explaining it away. We can understand where the other people is coming from while not sanctioning it or allowing it to continue. I will no longer tolerate shitty behaviour directed toward me and mine by people who are old enough to know better.

Game. Fucking. On.

Pricks.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 1275 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Veniss Underground, Jeff Vandermeer
Comics: Hawk And Dove 24-26, Hawk And Dove Annual 2 (ah, dreaded Armageddon, which killed one of my favourite titles when I was young, by virtue of DC panic over a leaked ending that would have made a lot more sense, and instead required them to pivot incoherently to using Hawk as the villain, ending this series in its infancy)
Music: Ecstasy, Lou Reed

well, it’s not a majority

But maybe that’s for the best; it’ll keep the Liberals honest.

It does restore my faith in Canadians a little bit; we won’t have a wannabe fascist as Prime Minister.

Now, if we can just accelerate the collapse of the Trump regime, and do what we should have been doing since before Mulroney sold us out and making friends and deals with the rest of the world, to reduce our reliance on these nutjobs to the south…

Anyway, take the wins where you can get them. It’s not a crushing victory for progressive politics, but it’s not a regression.

Any improvement is good improvement.

Protopia, not utopia, remember that.

Target: 1200 words
Written: 880 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Look Homeward, Angel, Thomas Wolfe
Comics: Hawk And Dove v2 9-12
Music: Echo & The Bunnymen Essentials, Echo & The Bunnymen

sometimes it throws a bone

I was busy as fuck today, or rather, given a lot of work to do, but as luck would have it, most of it went way quicker than expected.

The good news is that probably helped me boost my stats (not that my stats need to be particularly boosted), but it also meant that I could exceed my average and claw back some downtime, which allowed me to knock out some stuff I wanted to do that was non-work related (at least, not other people’s work) and catch up, ever so slightly.

Sometimes, life can be alright, am I right?

Until other people come along, and then it’s a fuck.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 165 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Digital Fortress, Dan Brown
Comics: Cyber Force v2 34-35, Strykeforce 1, Cyber Force & JLA 1
Music: Into The Wild, Eddie Vedder (I could listen to this version of Big Hard Sun all day)

on status

I guess it’s something I really don’t give a shit about, and I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with people who do care so deeply. Are they so insecure in themselves that they can only feel important by dropping the names of people they know or have tangential relationships which, most of which consisted of being in the same room and uttering a polite hello, if that?

Sometimes, it’s just in the same room and knowing the person’s name.

But, I mean, there’s a limit. When you’re throwing around local names like they’re big celebs, maybe you ought to consider that other people know these people. It ain’t that big of a town.

That one’s white trash. This one was a bully in high school. I applaud the work that one’s doing, but my experience *of years* with them is that they are a consummate complainer, more interested in tearing down than building up, and definitely overestimating their relative skillset.

I’ve never even heard of that one, so why do you think it’s important that I know it and conflate this complete unknown’s relative “importance” with you?

Anyway, status, status, status… what’s the point? Spending so much time on it only makes you look desperate and kind of pathetic, and lowers any status or reputation you might have.

I’m certainly no paragon, and I have many, many (oh my god, so many) faults, but one thing I will give myself is that I have no interest in status. When I was younger, sure, I inflated my ego with bullshit stories to feel better about my importance in the world, but now that I’m older, have been through shit, and thoroughly tore myself down, man, who has time for that shit?

And at our age?

Life’s too short for the front.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 2124 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs
Comics: Cyber Force v2 26-29
Music: Interpol, Interpol

karma

I realized this morning that though I knew the idea of karma as justice was incorrect, I realized just to the full extent how much I was this morning.

It has nothing to do with what is just and right, and everything to do with what is, and the entirely predictable flow of cause and effect, given knowledge of all contributing factors.

Start someone in life as a rich, spoiled, over-entitled brat and the arc of their life is karmic; they may be miserable and unsatisfied, because they never learned how to relate to the world and themselves in non-transactional terms, but that doesn’t mean the hammer of justice is going to come down on them.

It might, but who knows?

Karma is far more about the natural effects of understandable causes, and the sooner we realize that karma (effects) can be created by our actions (causes). Justice is served when we take the actions that lead to it.

Left to some mystical karmic “justice”, what will happen will only be the result of whatever random causes create whatever effects.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 294 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Enchiridion, Epictetus
Comics: Velocity 3, Ripclaw v2 2, Cyber Force True Stories - Heatwave 1, Devil's Reign 1
Music: Instruments Of Action, Forget Cassettes

lottery

It’s a silly thing, isn’t it?

Miniscule chances for the possibility of something for literally, almost nothing?

Like, what? Twenty bucks and the time it took to go to the store?

Or, we could just work, and focus on doing what we love for way less money, but a way happier life. Are lottery winners that happy? Or are they harangued, losing money left and right because everyone’s at them and they aren’t business people, they’re journeymen, stay-at-home moms, office pools.

Folks whose lack of discipline has them working jobs they hate (or not working at all for various reasons, some of them completely legit) aren’t buying lotto tickets because they’re happy with their situation.

They either just don’t know how to move into a more fulfilling life, don’t know what that life looks like, or past decisions/social setup has them trapped into something less desirable, and this long shot is the only way out.

I don’t generally buy lottery tickets, but hell, if I don’t fantasize sometimes.

Of course, as I get older, I’m far more interested in stability doing something I love, and spending my time and money on experiences than things. Things are nice, but you only buy what you need.

And you don’t need most things.

But experiences? Priceless.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 1805 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain
Comics: Cyber Force v2 17-18, Velocity 2, Ripclaw v2 1
Music: Instrumental, Linkin Park (not sure where this came from, but it's instrumental remakes of Linkin Park songs.  Weird, right?)

tariffs

We’ll see if he actually goes through with it, or if this is still one of those fifth grade bluffs.

I think the most confusing thing about Donald Trump is how he managed to get this far in life. He’s not a smart man. It seems pretty clear that he was not a billionaire (although his looting from the top might have made him one now). He has the mentality of a spoiled narcissist, and seems to understand the world at a level where even frat boy bullies would go, damn, son. You need to step up your atrocious game.

Seriously. It’s elementary school bully bullshit.

And there are people in government and business that are way, way smarter than that, who understand negotiation and how to deal with people like that and turn them right around.

Yet, they don’t do it.

What do you do with a bully? You punch back. Hurt him. Make him realize you aren’t an easy target, which is what a grade school bully wants.

Bust him up.

Use his narcissism against him; it’s what Putin did. Turned his greed and ego in on him to make him feel like he’s got to live up to him, like an overbearing father figure who never gives any attention or validation, thereby making someone so sadly broken do anything to please.

Because that’s what happened here: Putin made himself into Daddy Fred, and Donald desperately seeks Daddy’s approval. Add a layer of extreme greed, drastic insecurity overcompensated by insane bluster and ego, and boom.

Easily. Fucking. Manipulated.

So let’s do it, Canada, Mexico, Ukraine, EU, Britain… whoever.

Punch that bully. Make him seek your validation.

You’ll have the entire U.S. under your thumb.

Just. Like. Putin.

Target: 1100 words
Written: 848 words, novel: Bad Neighbours

Read: Trust Me, I'm Lying, Ryan Holiday
Comics: Cyber Force Origins 1-2, Cyblade & Shi 1, Cyber Force v2 10
Music: Indie Cindy, Pixies